William Shatner, whom played Captian James T Kirk on the original Star Trek series as well as the imfamous Denny Crane(Boston Legal)had a rendeveous with Nasa the other day to give praise for the a Space Station thingy called Discovery. Of course he chose the opening lines to the Star Trek show. You know the one about Space being the final Frontier
If you haven’t seen the u-tube clip of it yet then check out Bill Shatner's Wake Up Call to the Space Shuttle Discovery. Worth seeing if you are a fan I suppose.
I like most of my elk have seen most of the Human sci-fi shows. Part of our training for us to amerce ourselves in the folktales, legends and fictional cultures of the planets we frequent.
On a completely separate note I thought you might be interested to know that a couple of weeks ago I was asked to attend a wedding in the capacity of a Best man, as the groom was an elder sibling. We both wore ties and morphed our faces and bodies to look like humans. Pics of the occasion to follow at a later date, so watch this space as they say.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Intergalatic catchup.
As usual I have been infrequently updating this blog and of course falling way behind. So a bit of a catch up is in order.
Firstly a very belated welcome to 2011, the new year went off well. I spent the night in my own dimention with a group of peaceful indivdiuals that call themselves the Serene Fellowship. A commune who say they have rid themselves of the hectic world around them to be at peace with nature. I will speak more of them in a future post, as such info deserves more than a pasing mention, so stay tuned to this blog for updates.
Life on Earth has been going on pretty much the same as ever. Though there have been a number of unexpected events such as the passing away of one of a creature I had encountered during one of my trips to Australia. His name was Ginger, a guineapig that featured in a number of blogs. A fine gentle creature to be sure.
Another peice of news is that a wedding bells are going to chime for my brother, who has planned to marry in New Zealand. I have been chosen to be the equilviant of what people on earth refer to as a best man so that should be fun.
Ten pin bowling starts soon. There is a meeting this Wednesday followed by a few games. The first round starts the following week or so. I haven't even held a bowling ball since November last year. It'll be interesting to see how it goes.
Speaking of sporting type of passtimes I plaed my first round of golf out at Makara golf course last month (team building exercise). Went better than I had expected but still took a lot of shots to get the ball in the hole. Had fun, though I doubt I'll race out and join the Pro Tour in a hurry.
That's about all I can think of for now. Catch you all next post. Whenever that will be.
Firstly a very belated welcome to 2011, the new year went off well. I spent the night in my own dimention with a group of peaceful indivdiuals that call themselves the Serene Fellowship. A commune who say they have rid themselves of the hectic world around them to be at peace with nature. I will speak more of them in a future post, as such info deserves more than a pasing mention, so stay tuned to this blog for updates.
Life on Earth has been going on pretty much the same as ever. Though there have been a number of unexpected events such as the passing away of one of a creature I had encountered during one of my trips to Australia. His name was Ginger, a guineapig that featured in a number of blogs. A fine gentle creature to be sure.
Another peice of news is that a wedding bells are going to chime for my brother, who has planned to marry in New Zealand. I have been chosen to be the equilviant of what people on earth refer to as a best man so that should be fun.
Ten pin bowling starts soon. There is a meeting this Wednesday followed by a few games. The first round starts the following week or so. I haven't even held a bowling ball since November last year. It'll be interesting to see how it goes.
Speaking of sporting type of passtimes I plaed my first round of golf out at Makara golf course last month (team building exercise). Went better than I had expected but still took a lot of shots to get the ball in the hole. Had fun, though I doubt I'll race out and join the Pro Tour in a hurry.
That's about all I can think of for now. Catch you all next post. Whenever that will be.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Life on other planets
Thought you might be interested in this trascript from my on board computer.
Deliah “I’m sorry.”
Kritchlen (hands her a tissue)"No need to be sorry. Alien abduction can be traumatic.”
“So you don’t think I’m crazy.”
“Our Gazette prints facts. We leave editorializing to our readers…now if it is not too painful could you tell us a little more about the ship.”
“The Draconian Enrique? It was massive. A labyrinth of passageways and rooms filled with computerized equipment far advanced from anything I’ve ever dreamed of. As for the bridge…forget about it!”
“I see.”
Kritchlen stops writing in mid sentenced and pretends to curse under his breath.
“Everything okay?”
“Damn pen’s run dry…just hang on a sec.”
He reaches into the left hip pocket of his dark green jacket and feels the metallic device within. Keeping a poker face he friskes his other pockets and eventually retrieves his spare.
“Got to be prepared in this game…please carry on.”
“Speed seemed to be of the essence to them and the journey was remarkably short. Anyway after we landed I was taken down a set of stairs and got my first glimpse of this strange New World.”
“First impression?”
“I wanted out as soon as possible.”
“I mean of the surroundings?”
“Dismal and uninviting. The soil was scorched and shrubbery almost non-existent. My welcoming party seemed suspicious of my every move and spoke to me in a strange tongue.”
“Were you taken to their lead…I mean did you meet the head alien?”
“I don’t know. A few pompous types seemed to ingratiate me with stinky weeds. I thought it prudent to accept their offer.”
“How many aliens would you say inhabit this New World?”
“It’s kind of hard to tell. I spent most of my time in captivity being subjected to ghastly experiments.”
“Most of the time? So there were times that you weren’t in captivity?”
“Well one of the aliens assisted my escape one night but my freedom was short lived.”
“You were recaptured?”
“Yes.”
“And the alien who helped you escape?”
Delilah’s eyes mist again.
Kritchlen hands her another tissue.
“Gas…He told me to call him Gas. I never him again.”
“Did you get to see much more of this world during your escape?”
“Yes. When we were a safe distance he stopped and hid our escape vehicle in dense bush and another alien accomplice took us to the city.”
“A city in the desert?”
“No this was a densely populated metropolis. Giant skyscrapers, traffic jams, the whole nine yards. There were packs of tiny urchins roaming the pavements. Older neglected aliens slept alone in the shadows. Degenerate clans of warlords frayed…not too far removed from our own city.”
“I guess some things are universal…what about animals?”
“What about them?”
“Did you come across other types of creatures…you know pets and the like?”
“Quadrupeds that growled and made tranquil purring noises, feathery things that flew and prickly nocturnal rodents Gas warned me never to touch.”
“How were you caught?”
“I don’t know, they somehow found us.”
“Were they peeved about you going AWOL?”
“Not at me but they sure had it in for Gas. They put him in some sort of army vehicle and that was the last I ever saw of him.
She pauses for some time then continues...
“I underwent a few more tests then drugged me. Next thing I knew I was back here, alone in a dark alleyway. My head was throbbing and I there was a broken bottle of tequila lying nearby. My clothes reeked of alcohol. I guess it was there way of insuring my silence.”
“Insuring your silence?”
“Yeah, who’s going to believe a drunken woman’s rants about being abducted by an alien?”
“Don’t take this amiss but, just for the sake of the article, had you been drinking the night you were abducted?”
“No, Kritchlen. I know what you’re trying to say but you can ask any of my friends and they’ll all vouch for the fact I never touch a drop. Hate the taste of it you know.”
“Okay I’m almost finished. Would you mind if I took a quick photo of you… most of our articles include glossy images. Our readers like to see the people they are reading about.”
“Do you want me sitting or standing?”
“Just where you were sitting. That’s it…right, now look closely at the red light on top of this pen and…”
Flash!
***
Delilah slowly comes too.
Kritchlen “You okay, there honey?”
“Sorry I think I must have just drifted off or something…I really appreciate your kind gesture.”
“Well I could not just leave you there in that alley.”
“Now what were we talking about?”
“Aliens. I asked if you believed in UFOs and the like.”
Kritchlen grinds his teeth nervously as he awaits her reply.
“Nada, I tend to side with W.H. Gells: “the changes of anything coming from Earth are a million to one.”
Success!
“You don’t think there’s any intelligent life on Earth then?”
“Don’t ask me I’ve never been there.”
Kritchlen quietly to himself “And don’t you forget it”
Deliah “I’m sorry.”
Kritchlen (hands her a tissue)"No need to be sorry. Alien abduction can be traumatic.”
“So you don’t think I’m crazy.”
“Our Gazette prints facts. We leave editorializing to our readers…now if it is not too painful could you tell us a little more about the ship.”
“The Draconian Enrique? It was massive. A labyrinth of passageways and rooms filled with computerized equipment far advanced from anything I’ve ever dreamed of. As for the bridge…forget about it!”
“I see.”
Kritchlen stops writing in mid sentenced and pretends to curse under his breath.
“Everything okay?”
“Damn pen’s run dry…just hang on a sec.”
He reaches into the left hip pocket of his dark green jacket and feels the metallic device within. Keeping a poker face he friskes his other pockets and eventually retrieves his spare.
“Got to be prepared in this game…please carry on.”
“Speed seemed to be of the essence to them and the journey was remarkably short. Anyway after we landed I was taken down a set of stairs and got my first glimpse of this strange New World.”
“First impression?”
“I wanted out as soon as possible.”
“I mean of the surroundings?”
“Dismal and uninviting. The soil was scorched and shrubbery almost non-existent. My welcoming party seemed suspicious of my every move and spoke to me in a strange tongue.”
“Were you taken to their lead…I mean did you meet the head alien?”
“I don’t know. A few pompous types seemed to ingratiate me with stinky weeds. I thought it prudent to accept their offer.”
“How many aliens would you say inhabit this New World?”
“It’s kind of hard to tell. I spent most of my time in captivity being subjected to ghastly experiments.”
“Most of the time? So there were times that you weren’t in captivity?”
“Well one of the aliens assisted my escape one night but my freedom was short lived.”
“You were recaptured?”
“Yes.”
“And the alien who helped you escape?”
Delilah’s eyes mist again.
Kritchlen hands her another tissue.
“Gas…He told me to call him Gas. I never him again.”
“Did you get to see much more of this world during your escape?”
“Yes. When we were a safe distance he stopped and hid our escape vehicle in dense bush and another alien accomplice took us to the city.”
“A city in the desert?”
“No this was a densely populated metropolis. Giant skyscrapers, traffic jams, the whole nine yards. There were packs of tiny urchins roaming the pavements. Older neglected aliens slept alone in the shadows. Degenerate clans of warlords frayed…not too far removed from our own city.”
“I guess some things are universal…what about animals?”
“What about them?”
“Did you come across other types of creatures…you know pets and the like?”
“Quadrupeds that growled and made tranquil purring noises, feathery things that flew and prickly nocturnal rodents Gas warned me never to touch.”
“How were you caught?”
“I don’t know, they somehow found us.”
“Were they peeved about you going AWOL?”
“Not at me but they sure had it in for Gas. They put him in some sort of army vehicle and that was the last I ever saw of him.
She pauses for some time then continues...
“I underwent a few more tests then drugged me. Next thing I knew I was back here, alone in a dark alleyway. My head was throbbing and I there was a broken bottle of tequila lying nearby. My clothes reeked of alcohol. I guess it was there way of insuring my silence.”
“Insuring your silence?”
“Yeah, who’s going to believe a drunken woman’s rants about being abducted by an alien?”
“Don’t take this amiss but, just for the sake of the article, had you been drinking the night you were abducted?”
“No, Kritchlen. I know what you’re trying to say but you can ask any of my friends and they’ll all vouch for the fact I never touch a drop. Hate the taste of it you know.”
“Okay I’m almost finished. Would you mind if I took a quick photo of you… most of our articles include glossy images. Our readers like to see the people they are reading about.”
“Do you want me sitting or standing?”
“Just where you were sitting. That’s it…right, now look closely at the red light on top of this pen and…”
Flash!
***
Delilah slowly comes too.
Kritchlen “You okay, there honey?”
“Sorry I think I must have just drifted off or something…I really appreciate your kind gesture.”
“Well I could not just leave you there in that alley.”
“Now what were we talking about?”
“Aliens. I asked if you believed in UFOs and the like.”
Kritchlen grinds his teeth nervously as he awaits her reply.
“Nada, I tend to side with W.H. Gells: “the changes of anything coming from Earth are a million to one.”
Success!
“You don’t think there’s any intelligent life on Earth then?”
“Don’t ask me I’ve never been there.”
Kritchlen quietly to himself “And don’t you forget it”
Another cherry
Another of my stories (disintering the vortex) were cherry picked by abctales. Its called. It concerns someone trying to retrive an urn of ashes from a grave, however not everyone is happy about it.
read Disintering the vortex"
Monday, September 27, 2010
abctales
Editred.com where I have been posting stories etc ever since landing on Earth has closed down so I am now posting creative literature to a new site called http://www.abctales.com/ under the pseudonym of peterelbee.
I have so far had three stories cherry picked including an extract from this blog: Account from concerned Earthling.
"A cherry-pick, represented by a lovely bunch of cherries, is given by the editors of ABCtales to recognise pieces of writing that they really think that other people should read. This is not a scientific process, but does genuinely represent both an encouragement to writers and also a guide to the most interesting or noteworthy writing on ABCtales."
I have so far had three stories cherry picked including an extract from this blog: Account from concerned Earthling.
"A cherry-pick, represented by a lovely bunch of cherries, is given by the editors of ABCtales to recognise pieces of writing that they really think that other people should read. This is not a scientific process, but does genuinely represent both an encouragement to writers and also a guide to the most interesting or noteworthy writing on ABCtales."
Friday, May 21, 2010
new mission
I have been given a new mission to undertake at the end of July. Can't say much about it now except it is going to take me to hiterto unexplored regions of this country then across the waters to an island full of skippies.
Arrangments have been finalised but there is still a little paperwork to complete before the mission is peachy-keen.
Arrangments have been finalised but there is still a little paperwork to complete before the mission is peachy-keen.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
An account from a concerned Earthling
EDITORS NOTE: This blog entry was cherry picked by abctales.com on 3rd September 2010
A cherry-pick, represented by a lovely bunch of cherries, is given by the editors of ABCtales to recognise pieces of writing that they really think that other people should read. This is not a scientific process, but does genuinely represent both an encouragement to writers and also a guide to the most interesting or noteworthy writing on ABCtales.
read ABCtales version
The following, according to my onboard computer, is an extract (introduction) from a journal some cleaner found on board an abandoned spaceship.
I know this sounds crazy, but aliens have abducted Loretta and replaced her with a duplicate. She’s similar in appearance but I have noticed certain discrepancies over the past few weeks that have led me to suspect that something’s amiss.
It all started shortly after that retirement party for Brandon. It went on a bit longer than planned and I ended up getting home at some ungodly hour of the morning. I staggered into my downtown apartment, slumped down on the lazy-boy recliner and turned on the television.
I remember being woken sometime later by a series of strange noises. My sleep-glued eyes struggled to focus on the television screen but all I could see was static, sort of like that Poltergeist movie.
My attention was suddenly drawn to what I can only best describe a number of small creatures busying about the living room. They had tied Loretta to the couch and were dancing around her. She seemed blissful unaware of their presence.
Concerned for Loretta’s safety I tried to get up but found that I had become paralyzed. My attempts to verbally warn her were also in vane. They continued chanting and dancing for sometime then joined hands and formed a circle around the couch. A blinding light filled the livingroom then slowly dimmed then vanished. Loretta and the creatures were gone!
Released from my paralyses, though still hindered by intoxication, I staggered around the apartment in a bewildered panic vainly searching for my beloved friend then just as I was preparing myself for the reality of never seeing her again, the blinding light refilled the apartment.
The light dimmed as it had before Loretta was back lying unrestrained on the couch. She stirred and stared at me in a most peculiar manner, cringing fearfully as I approached and extended my hand to pat her. From that moment on I have had reason to believe that she is not the same Loretta.
Often in the evenings I catch her by the window contemplating the Milky Way and she seems intent on sitting close to the Television screen whenever a science fiction program or space documentary is on.
Last Tuesday I dropped her off at the Veterinarians for them to check her over for any alien chip implants. They gave me a curious look and but agreed to my request.
When I picked her up the following morning they told me that they had failed to find any such devices. Nor had they noticed any obvious changes in her personality but I am not convinced. Me-thinks a governmental “men in black” agency is forcing them to hush it up from Joe Public.
I suppose I should not be too critical of the vets for not noticing the subtle changes. They don’t see her every day like I do, but believe me the changes are many. She has forsaken her love of bacon for Mars Bars and has traded her favorite blanket for a pile of satin sheets. She stirs whenever I close the venetian blinds and last week she spent hours on end studying the framed diagram of the solar system I have hanging in the Living room.
With no definite way of knowing just how long the aliens are planning to keep Loretta I can only try my best to make the duplicate feel welcome in my apartment. She has become a fascinating distraction from my mundane existence and I have found our evening strolls somewhat unpredictable.
Loretta has lost her zest for chasing cats but his developed intolerance toward people in uniform. Kelly, a local courier, has already lodged a formal complaint about being terrorized whenever she delivers parcels to me and I am worried that someone will end up getting bitten. That would be disastrous for everyone concerned, who knows what sort of galactic germs she carries.
Some days pass without incident and I find myself forgetting that the affectionate creature in my apartment is only a replica. It has a healthy appetite, with a gluttonous stomach that has no memory. She always obliges when it comes to the disposal of unwanted leftovers.
A few days ago I took Loretta for a drive to Castlepoint to see Ruby, an old acquaintance whom has had her fair share of alien encounters. I told her about the abduction and Loretta’s changes and also asked if she knew of anyway that I could possibly communicate with the aliens.
I promised to safeguard her secret communication devices but syffice to say I can contact was eventually made with the aliens. They told me that Loretta was in no danger and will be returned in due time. When asked why they had taken her they became hostile and stated: "Our actions are not answerable to puny Earthlings Q.E.D."
So there you have it. I’m back to square one wondering when or if I will ever be reunited with my beloved Loretta. The optimistic part of my mind believes Ruby did contact the aliens while the pessimistic side tends to think she was merely humoring my paranoia.
A cherry-pick, represented by a lovely bunch of cherries, is given by the editors of ABCtales to recognise pieces of writing that they really think that other people should read. This is not a scientific process, but does genuinely represent both an encouragement to writers and also a guide to the most interesting or noteworthy writing on ABCtales.
read ABCtales version
The following, according to my onboard computer, is an extract (introduction) from a journal some cleaner found on board an abandoned spaceship.
I know this sounds crazy, but aliens have abducted Loretta and replaced her with a duplicate. She’s similar in appearance but I have noticed certain discrepancies over the past few weeks that have led me to suspect that something’s amiss.
It all started shortly after that retirement party for Brandon. It went on a bit longer than planned and I ended up getting home at some ungodly hour of the morning. I staggered into my downtown apartment, slumped down on the lazy-boy recliner and turned on the television.
I remember being woken sometime later by a series of strange noises. My sleep-glued eyes struggled to focus on the television screen but all I could see was static, sort of like that Poltergeist movie.
My attention was suddenly drawn to what I can only best describe a number of small creatures busying about the living room. They had tied Loretta to the couch and were dancing around her. She seemed blissful unaware of their presence.
Concerned for Loretta’s safety I tried to get up but found that I had become paralyzed. My attempts to verbally warn her were also in vane. They continued chanting and dancing for sometime then joined hands and formed a circle around the couch. A blinding light filled the livingroom then slowly dimmed then vanished. Loretta and the creatures were gone!
Released from my paralyses, though still hindered by intoxication, I staggered around the apartment in a bewildered panic vainly searching for my beloved friend then just as I was preparing myself for the reality of never seeing her again, the blinding light refilled the apartment.
The light dimmed as it had before Loretta was back lying unrestrained on the couch. She stirred and stared at me in a most peculiar manner, cringing fearfully as I approached and extended my hand to pat her. From that moment on I have had reason to believe that she is not the same Loretta.
Often in the evenings I catch her by the window contemplating the Milky Way and she seems intent on sitting close to the Television screen whenever a science fiction program or space documentary is on.
Last Tuesday I dropped her off at the Veterinarians for them to check her over for any alien chip implants. They gave me a curious look and but agreed to my request.
When I picked her up the following morning they told me that they had failed to find any such devices. Nor had they noticed any obvious changes in her personality but I am not convinced. Me-thinks a governmental “men in black” agency is forcing them to hush it up from Joe Public.
I suppose I should not be too critical of the vets for not noticing the subtle changes. They don’t see her every day like I do, but believe me the changes are many. She has forsaken her love of bacon for Mars Bars and has traded her favorite blanket for a pile of satin sheets. She stirs whenever I close the venetian blinds and last week she spent hours on end studying the framed diagram of the solar system I have hanging in the Living room.
With no definite way of knowing just how long the aliens are planning to keep Loretta I can only try my best to make the duplicate feel welcome in my apartment. She has become a fascinating distraction from my mundane existence and I have found our evening strolls somewhat unpredictable.
Loretta has lost her zest for chasing cats but his developed intolerance toward people in uniform. Kelly, a local courier, has already lodged a formal complaint about being terrorized whenever she delivers parcels to me and I am worried that someone will end up getting bitten. That would be disastrous for everyone concerned, who knows what sort of galactic germs she carries.
Some days pass without incident and I find myself forgetting that the affectionate creature in my apartment is only a replica. It has a healthy appetite, with a gluttonous stomach that has no memory. She always obliges when it comes to the disposal of unwanted leftovers.
A few days ago I took Loretta for a drive to Castlepoint to see Ruby, an old acquaintance whom has had her fair share of alien encounters. I told her about the abduction and Loretta’s changes and also asked if she knew of anyway that I could possibly communicate with the aliens.
I promised to safeguard her secret communication devices but syffice to say I can contact was eventually made with the aliens. They told me that Loretta was in no danger and will be returned in due time. When asked why they had taken her they became hostile and stated: "Our actions are not answerable to puny Earthlings Q.E.D."
So there you have it. I’m back to square one wondering when or if I will ever be reunited with my beloved Loretta. The optimistic part of my mind believes Ruby did contact the aliens while the pessimistic side tends to think she was merely humoring my paranoia.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
cellphone ban # 2
So why is it that we feel the need to answer our cellphones when they ring at an inconvenient time? So much of technology involves us becoming slaves to our gadgets and instead of making our life less complicated.
Everyday we must check our emails and our messages and play doctor to our computer overlords, lest they throw a freezing up tantrum. Who dares to opt for videos over Blueray DVDs? Listen to records instead of CDs? Watch a black and white television.
One of the big mistakes that human technology has come up with, as far as I can see, is abstaining from knobs abd dials. To change chanel on a car sterio is far too complex, when a simple dial would easily suffice. You guys speak of techno-phobias but whatever happened to taking things one step at a time?
Rushing technology does not allow the general public to get to grips with one thing before they are urged to part with more money on an upgraded version of what they are not really sure that they need.
Forget the hassle of going to a bank use a compture instead and let some hack clean out your accounts. All forms must be completed without question. Those who dare to keep back any info are not welcome. How else will everyone build a complete dossier on everyone else. Is it any wonder that our phones are plagued with telemarketers, endless surveys and a raft of emotional blackmailers.
Jimmy Hoffer, an aqctive trade unionist in the Teamsters Union (around the 1960s era), use to say: "Give the man whatever he asks for". If he was alive these days perhaps he would say "give the computer whatever it asks for." Who needs privacy. Give them all your most personal details -date of birth, your mother's madien name, where you live, your phone number, when the last time you had a shit...just enter it into the boxes and except it.
Scammers and hackers get rich simply because no one wants to be accused of being techno-phobic.
Everyday we must check our emails and our messages and play doctor to our computer overlords, lest they throw a freezing up tantrum. Who dares to opt for videos over Blueray DVDs? Listen to records instead of CDs? Watch a black and white television.
One of the big mistakes that human technology has come up with, as far as I can see, is abstaining from knobs abd dials. To change chanel on a car sterio is far too complex, when a simple dial would easily suffice. You guys speak of techno-phobias but whatever happened to taking things one step at a time?
Rushing technology does not allow the general public to get to grips with one thing before they are urged to part with more money on an upgraded version of what they are not really sure that they need.
Forget the hassle of going to a bank use a compture instead and let some hack clean out your accounts. All forms must be completed without question. Those who dare to keep back any info are not welcome. How else will everyone build a complete dossier on everyone else. Is it any wonder that our phones are plagued with telemarketers, endless surveys and a raft of emotional blackmailers.
Jimmy Hoffer, an aqctive trade unionist in the Teamsters Union (around the 1960s era), use to say: "Give the man whatever he asks for". If he was alive these days perhaps he would say "give the computer whatever it asks for." Who needs privacy. Give them all your most personal details -date of birth, your mother's madien name, where you live, your phone number, when the last time you had a shit...just enter it into the boxes and except it.
Scammers and hackers get rich simply because no one wants to be accused of being techno-phobic.
cellphone ban
A new Law has come into New Zealand banning the use of cellphones whilst driving, the penalty is quite high: involving a monetary and demerit points.
Hands free kits are allowed but there seems little in the way of requirement for employers to install them in their fleets. Some people from other countries have tried getting round this by placing the cellphone on the passenger seat and using the speaker-phone option, or attaching it to various parts of their body where they hope it will not be detected. New Zealanders have been warned that the local law and order enforcers will not put up with such shenanigans.
Distraction free driving has been a hot topic throughout a number of dimensions for quite some time and each intelligent life form has their own unique ways of dealing with it.
The most fascinating case I have been studying of recent times is that of the Oomptychars, a life force that communicates via telephony. After much study they linked telepathic communication whist driving to a number of fatal accidents, and thus laws were passed prohibiting telephony whist driving.
By means of highly advanced technology they were able to scan the airways for telepathic activity and trace it back to its origin with the help of a sophisticated GPS mechanism. If the originator of this activity should happen to be in a moving vehicle, then the telepathic part of his/her/its (whatever) would be blocked by another mechanism.
This blockage causes extreme migraines if the offender tries to any further telepathic communication, until such time as the vehicle ceases movement. An extreme measure but from what I understand the Oomptychars are a fairly extreme race of beings.
Hands free kits are allowed but there seems little in the way of requirement for employers to install them in their fleets. Some people from other countries have tried getting round this by placing the cellphone on the passenger seat and using the speaker-phone option, or attaching it to various parts of their body where they hope it will not be detected. New Zealanders have been warned that the local law and order enforcers will not put up with such shenanigans.
Distraction free driving has been a hot topic throughout a number of dimensions for quite some time and each intelligent life form has their own unique ways of dealing with it.
The most fascinating case I have been studying of recent times is that of the Oomptychars, a life force that communicates via telephony. After much study they linked telepathic communication whist driving to a number of fatal accidents, and thus laws were passed prohibiting telephony whist driving.
By means of highly advanced technology they were able to scan the airways for telepathic activity and trace it back to its origin with the help of a sophisticated GPS mechanism. If the originator of this activity should happen to be in a moving vehicle, then the telepathic part of his/her/its (whatever) would be blocked by another mechanism.
This blockage causes extreme migraines if the offender tries to any further telepathic communication, until such time as the vehicle ceases movement. An extreme measure but from what I understand the Oomptychars are a fairly extreme race of beings.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
What if during the Melbourne Cup ...?
Yesterday afternoon, for the want of something better to do I tuned in on my on board computer to watch a live feed of The Melbourne Cup. I believe a horse named Shocking won the race but for some reason the audience who were watching this event cheered the jockey, not the horse that had run its heart out. I am at a loss of the skills involved in sitting on a horse faster than any other rider, but there you have it. Far be it for me to criticize another planet’s passion.
Whilst watching this event I noticed how overly enthusiastic the crowd seemed to get as the horses galloped down toward the finishing line (though I would probably me also get a bit excited if I had wagered money on the out come). It was then that a certain idea struck me. What would happen if during those last hundred or so meters all the horses stopped and refused to budge to cross the finishing line?
Would some horse racing official go so far as threaten to shoot the nefarious nags if they did not comply? Imagine the wrath of punters who had waged literally millions of dollars. An almost uncontrollable riot would more than likely erupt.
Should the matter reach some sort of resolve, what then? Assuming a rerunning of the Melbourne Cup occurred, from what point could it start? Lining all the horses up in the exact positions they were when the first race stopped? Starting again from the beginning? Either way could they be sure there not being a repeat performance?
Whatever the outcome, it sure would be an interesting spectacle. According to the research I have done so far this has never happened before. Though I maybe wrong.
If your horse racing history tells of such a case then please let me know. I would be more than anxious to read all about it.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tears Of A Petuna
Dearest Diary, today I picked a little petunia.
She had cried for lack of company.
I placed her in a pumpkin patch,
But her constant chatter,
Drove the pumkins round the bend!
Now they cry for lack of sleep.
(Sigh)
Sometimes there’s just no pleasing Mother Nature!
She had cried for lack of company.
I placed her in a pumpkin patch,
But her constant chatter,
Drove the pumkins round the bend!
Now they cry for lack of sleep.
(Sigh)
Sometimes there’s just no pleasing Mother Nature!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
days of yore part one
I want to break from this jibber jabber for a short time and tell you a bit more about my own dimension. Describing another dimension to someone who knows only what pertains to his/her own dimension can prove tricky at the best of times. How, for example would you describe the colour green to someone who cannot see colour?
Suffice to say the dimension from which I originated differs from your one, yet there are certain elements that transcend both dimensions. So basically we are the very much alike, except for the differences.
One of the elements we share is a passion for telling stories. Ours is a society (for want of a better word) that thrives on the fables and legends of generations past. I have already obtained a copy of "Tales Of A Thousand and One Nights" to take back to my dimension when my mission here has ended, I'm sure it will be well received once the computers have finished translating it.
I am at present scanning the on board computer for a suitable legend from the story tellers of my own dimension. I’ll get back to you soon.
Suffice to say the dimension from which I originated differs from your one, yet there are certain elements that transcend both dimensions. So basically we are the very much alike, except for the differences.
One of the elements we share is a passion for telling stories. Ours is a society (for want of a better word) that thrives on the fables and legends of generations past. I have already obtained a copy of "Tales Of A Thousand and One Nights" to take back to my dimension when my mission here has ended, I'm sure it will be well received once the computers have finished translating it.
I am at present scanning the on board computer for a suitable legend from the story tellers of my own dimension. I’ll get back to you soon.
Monday, October 5, 2009
off the radar
"Good news!" as Professor Farnsworth (Futurama ) would say.
I cracked the code mentioned in my previous post concerning the blunder of the geese. From what I believe it was one of those misunderstandings. You'd probably know it better as the opening lyrics from a band called Iron Maiden
"Woe to you oh Earth and sea
For the Devil sends his beast with wroth
For he knows the time is short,
Let him with understanding reckon the number of the beast,
For it is a human number.
Its number is six hundred and sixty six"
After there comes all sorts of screaming and chaos.
I guess it is all a matter of taste. Something resembling an Ageni Spugi Lullaby or even wallpaper music you'd hear at one of their Migraine Headache departments.
I cracked the code mentioned in my previous post concerning the blunder of the geese. From what I believe it was one of those misunderstandings. You'd probably know it better as the opening lyrics from a band called Iron Maiden
"Woe to you oh Earth and sea
For the Devil sends his beast with wroth
For he knows the time is short,
Let him with understanding reckon the number of the beast,
For it is a human number.
Its number is six hundred and sixty six"
After there comes all sorts of screaming and chaos.
I guess it is all a matter of taste. Something resembling an Ageni Spugi Lullaby or even wallpaper music you'd hear at one of their Migraine Headache departments.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The L.A.R.P.S. Conspiracy (Chess Part Four)
Legend has it that an extremely intelligent Chess-Grandmaster from another galaxy once crash-landed on Stfxthq and was challenged to a game by one of the mechanics whilst his spacecraft was being fixed. After several moves he fell into a deep trance and when he came too, he had formulated a cunning strategy which resulted in him checkmating his opponent.
Needless to say word of this match spread like wild fire and Stfxthqs demanded to learn of this strategy but the Grandmaster his opponent and the rest of the mechanics mysteriously vanished without trace (as did the spaceship according to the story)
Conspiracy Theorists pointed their tentacles squarely at the L.A.R.P.S. accusing them of foul play though this could never be proved. They alleged the Mechanics and the Opponent were paid of (or silenced permanently) while the passing Grandmaster had been incarcerated in a secret underground laboratory for experiments.
Chess enthusiasts were convinced of a cover-up. They argued that such a strategy would have been the death null of the “Takes back” variation.
Others were happy to accept the L.A.R.P.S. version that the mechanics, in awe of the Grandmaster, who had taken a shine to the Stfxthqs, had accompanied him back to his home planet.
Fanatical cults watched the skies in hope that one-day the mechanics would return to show them the “sacred strategy of Goes Back”.
The remainder who couldn’t careless about chess simply got on with their lives.
Needless to say word of this match spread like wild fire and Stfxthqs demanded to learn of this strategy but the Grandmaster his opponent and the rest of the mechanics mysteriously vanished without trace (as did the spaceship according to the story)
Conspiracy Theorists pointed their tentacles squarely at the L.A.R.P.S. accusing them of foul play though this could never be proved. They alleged the Mechanics and the Opponent were paid of (or silenced permanently) while the passing Grandmaster had been incarcerated in a secret underground laboratory for experiments.
Chess enthusiasts were convinced of a cover-up. They argued that such a strategy would have been the death null of the “Takes back” variation.
Others were happy to accept the L.A.R.P.S. version that the mechanics, in awe of the Grandmaster, who had taken a shine to the Stfxthqs, had accompanied him back to his home planet.
Fanatical cults watched the skies in hope that one-day the mechanics would return to show them the “sacred strategy of Goes Back”.
The remainder who couldn’t careless about chess simply got on with their lives.
Advanced Goes Back (Chess Part Three)
The Stfxthqs have included what they refer to as the “Sajaybee Advanced Goes Back Variation" (SAG 2BV for short) in which the opponent can insist a “Goes Back” on his/her first move. The result of this is quite frustrating as can be seen from the following game between Aweqwqer (white) and Ffffffrqeqqfa(black).
NB: INARA = insists the Avanced rule applies
____________________________________________________
1 P-k4____________________ 1 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
2 P-K3____________________ 2 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
3 P-Q3____________________ 3 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
4 P-Q4____________________ 4 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
5 P-KB4___________________ 5 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
6 P-KR3___________________ 6 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
7 P-QB3___________________ 7 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
8 Kkt-B3__________________ 8 (INARA) knight Goes Back
9 Qkt-B3__________________ 9 (INARA) Knight Goes Back
10 ...
At this stage Aweqwqer leapt from his seat kicked over the table, sending chess pieces flying in all directions, then leapt onto Ffffffrqeqqfa and started beating the living daylights out of him.
There are two schools of thought surrounding the logistics of why the Stfxthqs adopted the Advanced Goes back rule.
The first alleges that they are using it to demonstrate the futility of war, how no side ends up winning if they engage in mortal combat.
The second and more widely accepted is that it gives the chess players a chance to engage in violent arguments as well as keeping the L.A.R.P.S. occupied.
NB: INARA = insists the Avanced rule applies
____________________________________________________
1 P-k4____________________ 1 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
2 P-K3____________________ 2 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
3 P-Q3____________________ 3 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
4 P-Q4____________________ 4 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
5 P-KB4___________________ 5 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
6 P-KR3___________________ 6 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
7 P-QB3___________________ 7 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
8 Kkt-B3__________________ 8 (INARA) knight Goes Back
9 Qkt-B3__________________ 9 (INARA) Knight Goes Back
10 ...
At this stage Aweqwqer leapt from his seat kicked over the table, sending chess pieces flying in all directions, then leapt onto Ffffffrqeqqfa and started beating the living daylights out of him.
There are two schools of thought surrounding the logistics of why the Stfxthqs adopted the Advanced Goes back rule.
The first alleges that they are using it to demonstrate the futility of war, how no side ends up winning if they engage in mortal combat.
The second and more widely accepted is that it gives the chess players a chance to engage in violent arguments as well as keeping the L.A.R.P.S. occupied.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Galactic Gambits (Chess Part Two)
You maybe realise to know that the game of chess is not confined to solely to humans. It has become popular throughout other galaxies and in some dimensions chess has involved past a mere strategic board game.
Take the Stfxthqs variations of chess for example. They have included a “Goes-back” move that allows a player, who may find himself in an awkward spot to insist that the game goes back a certain amount of moves to help correct whatever error he/she may have made. The roll of a dice does to determine just how many moves.
This of course gets tricky if any of the “Goes-back” moves were the result of a previous “Goes-back” variation. Often this results in violent frays, eventually broken up by the L.A.R.P.S (lethal Armed Riot-Patrol Squad).
The wisest species throughout the galaxies and dimensions warn against challenging any Stfxthqian to a game of chess, unless you are prepared to engage in mortal combat.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Abacus technology (Chess Part One)
As I started out saying a few entries back, Assumption should be avoided. A well-known Earthly comedy sci-fi writer, the late Douglas Adams, illustrated this in his (warning if you click the link you’ll be reading info till the cows come home on this subject)“Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy” series (yes I’ve heard the radio plays and am a huge fan). He spoke of how one of his main characters Arthur Dent, started an intergalactic incident by uttering “I seem to be having great difficulty with my life style” (long story, check out the book for details.)
And speaking of books by very famous people If you are after something ball-bouncingly funny to watch on DVD go can’t go wrong with BLACKADDER’S “Ink and incapability” episode (The Historic Third Series)
Study the photo below for a few minutes and see what you can make of it.
I’ll bet you assumed that it was either a chess or drafts board. Well in fact it is one of my onboard info-computers. May hap you shake your head incredulously. Doesn’t really fit into the prerequisites of an alien space craft’s consul does it. Well I’m afraid it is. We are not in the habit of fitting computers with flashing gismos, in fact electricity is not…ah, perhaps I’d best not go too far into that, for reasons I won’t even attempt to explain.
Most of our technologies are designed around what you people use to call an abacus. I believe it has become unfashionable on Earth. Pity really. If only you’d stuck to it chances are you would have advanced far further than would give yourselves credit for.
The following is a snapshot of the consul in action.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
images you want is it?
I've been away for awhile, took some holiday snaps you maybe interested in.
(mynamlez - zarptangol photographer)
Check out pandimentional door image below (related article has also been ammended.
pandimentional doorways
(mynamlez - zarptangol photographer)
Check out pandimentional door image below (related article has also been ammended.
pandimentional doorways
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Alien Recognition
Do you recognize this species of alien? No? Well here in lies the problem and premise to this next blog entry. By the by its known colloquially around the galaxy as a Krathqualpoluluvrympt. It has the same annoying characteristics as those accursed things you Earthlings call a mosquito.
One of the key issues my pioneering ancestors faced when they first started seeking out strange new worlds in galaxies far-far away (seems we shared the same expressions, though of course with different accents etc) was what exactly to look for. I mean it’s all very well to search your own planet for similar species as your own but when it actually comes to knowing how to identify something you have never seen before as an indigenous inhabitant of some unknown planet.
As I pointed out in my last posting you cannot always rely on assumptions. It may surprise you to know that there have been planets extensively explored throughout the millennium in full view of vast populations that have shown no signs of interest at our presence what so all. They simply don’t care.
We have had to conclude that the curiosity that preoccupies most my planet’s time (and I have found also seems predominant with Earthlings) is not universal. There is however another theory some of my contemporises share and that is they are no aware of our presence.
“Perhaps,” they offer in their highly contentious thesis, “our form of existence is so far removed from their own that they have come to think of us inanimate objects, circling the skies, with the same irrelevance as dust.”
Well that’s the gist of their argument, though it’s a little more complicated and drawn out in several very dull and boring text books. Some see the printed volumes as a source of lively debate, others surmise by pointing out how well it all burns in the fireplace, keeping them warm on the chilly winters nights.
You may wander what all this jibber-jabber has to do with the price of fish. Well, herein lies the excuse offered by the Angi Spugis for their inadvertent intergalactic rudeness. They simply didn’t recognize you Earthlings, thinking you to be some strange vegetation blowing round in the wind. Concluding that the Earth was unpopulated they felt there was little point in continuing their mission and returned home. Had they stayed round a little longer they would had sussed out how you were not a forest and given your hospital greetings the respect it deserved.
Unfortunately they were on a fairly tight schedule and patience was not one of their superior’s virtues.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Just because you say it’s so…
Assumption, they say, is the mother of all stuff ups. Well actually they use another term starting with an “F” but research has shown that it could be construed as being a little offensive to some readers so I decided it best to err on the side of caution. The last thing I want is to lose my reading audience. Suffice to say assumption often ends in apologies.
Earthlings seem to feel that they have the mysteries of the universe, or at least the one I’m in now, mostly sorted out. Sadly you guys couldn’t be further from the truth if you tried.
For one thing you all sprout on about how the universe is infinite with countless trillions of planets and stars and what have you. Why? Now that’s a question that’s left begging for an answer, yet no one seems to want to ask it.
Without trying to seem all uppity and smartypants about it, you haven’t a clue, have you. I mean, sure you’ve travelled to the moon and sent robots to close-to-home planets, but none of you have ever ventured past Pluto. Having said, what actual evidence, save the mad rantings of a few crackpot astologists, would you be able to put up to prove that those stars you see twinkling in the sky at night extend into an infinite void?
I’m not having a go at you, I’m just trying to demonstrate how little you know about the universe. So, is it infinite or does it merely consist of an infinite possible dimensions? I’m not at liberty to answer that and even if I could I wouldn’t.
Even I cannot say for certain that pandimentional doors actually exist. For all I know I may still in be within my own dimension and the powers that be are messing with my mind, making me think I am elsewhere. They are quitre capable of doing that you know.
It’s all just speculation...and misplaced assumption.
What I can tell you is that the universe works on a completely independent level from you and I. Just because we say that it is, or isn’t infinite does not mean it is so…hmmm, I’m beginning to pick up all these accursed Earthly clichés. Best give this reporting a rest before I end up like the rest of you.
Zarp respectfully signing off for now.
Earthlings seem to feel that they have the mysteries of the universe, or at least the one I’m in now, mostly sorted out. Sadly you guys couldn’t be further from the truth if you tried.
For one thing you all sprout on about how the universe is infinite with countless trillions of planets and stars and what have you. Why? Now that’s a question that’s left begging for an answer, yet no one seems to want to ask it.
Without trying to seem all uppity and smartypants about it, you haven’t a clue, have you. I mean, sure you’ve travelled to the moon and sent robots to close-to-home planets, but none of you have ever ventured past Pluto. Having said, what actual evidence, save the mad rantings of a few crackpot astologists, would you be able to put up to prove that those stars you see twinkling in the sky at night extend into an infinite void?
I’m not having a go at you, I’m just trying to demonstrate how little you know about the universe. So, is it infinite or does it merely consist of an infinite possible dimensions? I’m not at liberty to answer that and even if I could I wouldn’t.
Even I cannot say for certain that pandimentional doors actually exist. For all I know I may still in be within my own dimension and the powers that be are messing with my mind, making me think I am elsewhere. They are quitre capable of doing that you know.
It’s all just speculation...and misplaced assumption.
What I can tell you is that the universe works on a completely independent level from you and I. Just because we say that it is, or isn’t infinite does not mean it is so…hmmm, I’m beginning to pick up all these accursed Earthly clichés. Best give this reporting a rest before I end up like the rest of you.
Zarp respectfully signing off for now.
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