off the radar

"Good news!" as Professor Farnsworth (Futurama ) would say.

I cracked the code mentioned in my previous post concerning the blunder of the geese. From what I believe it was one of those misunderstandings. You'd probably know it better as the opening lyrics from a band called Iron Maiden

"Woe to you oh Earth and sea
For the Devil sends his beast with wroth
For he knows the time is short,
Let him with understanding reckon the number of the beast,
For it is a human number.
Its number is six hundred and sixty six"

After there comes all sorts of screaming and chaos.

I guess it is all a matter of taste. Something resembling an Ageni Spugi Lullaby or even wallpaper music you'd hear at one of their Migraine Headache departments.

The L.A.R.P.S. Conspiracy (Chess Part Four)

Legend has it that an extremely intelligent Chess-Grandmaster from another galaxy once crash-landed on Stfxthq and was challenged to a game by one of the mechanics whilst his spacecraft was being fixed. After several moves he fell into a deep trance and when he came too, he had formulated a cunning strategy which resulted in him checkmating his opponent.

Needless to say word of this match spread like wild fire and Stfxthqs demanded to learn of this strategy but the Grandmaster his opponent and the rest of the mechanics mysteriously vanished without trace (as did the spaceship according to the story)

Conspiracy Theorists pointed their tentacles squarely at the L.A.R.P.S. accusing them of foul play though this could never be proved. They alleged the Mechanics and the Opponent were paid of (or silenced permanently) while the passing Grandmaster had been incarcerated in a secret underground laboratory for experiments.

Chess enthusiasts were convinced of a cover-up. They argued that such a strategy would have been the death null of the “Takes back” variation.

Others were happy to accept the L.A.R.P.S. version that the mechanics, in awe of the Grandmaster, who had taken a shine to the Stfxthqs, had accompanied him back to his home planet.

Fanatical cults watched the skies in hope that one-day the mechanics would return to show them the “sacred strategy of Goes Back”.

The remainder who couldn’t careless about chess simply got on with their lives.

Advanced Goes Back (Chess Part Three)

The Stfxthqs have included what they refer to as the “Sajaybee Advanced Goes Back Variation" (SAG 2BV for short) in which the opponent can insist a “Goes Back” on his/her first move. The result of this is quite frustrating as can be seen from the following game between Aweqwqer (white) and Ffffffrqeqqfa(black).

NB: INARA = insists the Avanced rule applies

____________________________________________________

1 P-k4____________________ 1 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
2 P-K3____________________ 2 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
3 P-Q3____________________ 3 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
4 P-Q4____________________ 4 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
5 P-KB4___________________ 5 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
6 P-KR3___________________ 6 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
7 P-QB3___________________ 7 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
8 Kkt-B3__________________ 8 (INARA) knight Goes Back
9 Qkt-B3__________________ 9 (INARA) Knight Goes Back
10 ...

At this stage Aweqwqer leapt from his seat kicked over the table, sending chess pieces flying in all directions, then leapt onto Ffffffrqeqqfa and started beating the living daylights out of him.

There are two schools of thought surrounding the logistics of why the Stfxthqs adopted the Advanced Goes back rule.

The first alleges that they are using it to demonstrate the futility of war, how no side ends up winning if they engage in mortal combat.

The second and more widely accepted is that it gives the chess players a chance to engage in violent arguments as well as keeping the L.A.R.P.S. occupied.

Galactic Gambits (Chess Part Two)

You maybe realise to know that the game of chess is not confined to solely to humans. It has become popular throughout other galaxies and in some dimensions chess has involved past a mere strategic board game.

Take the Stfxthqs variations of chess for example. They have included a “Goes-back” move that allows a player, who may find himself in an awkward spot to insist that the game goes back a certain amount of moves to help correct whatever error he/she may have made. The roll of a dice does to determine just how many moves.

This of course gets tricky if any of the “Goes-back” moves were the result of a previous “Goes-back” variation. Often this results in violent frays, eventually broken up by the L.A.R.P.S (lethal Armed Riot-Patrol Squad).

The wisest species throughout the galaxies and dimensions warn against challenging any Stfxthqian to a game of chess, unless you are prepared to engage in mortal combat.

Abacus technology (Chess Part One)

As I started out saying a few entries back, Assumption should be avoided. A well-known Earthly comedy sci-fi writer, the late Douglas Adams, illustrated this in his (warning if you click the link you’ll be reading info till the cows come home on this subject)“Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy” series (yes I’ve heard the radio plays and am a huge fan). He spoke of how one of his main characters Arthur Dent, started an intergalactic incident by uttering “I seem to be having great difficulty with my life style” (long story, check out the book for details.)



And speaking of books by very famous people If you are after something ball-bouncingly funny to watch on DVD go can’t go wrong with BLACKADDER’S “Ink and incapability” episode (The Historic Third Series)

Study the photo below for a few minutes and see what you can make of it.



I’ll bet you assumed that it was either a chess or drafts board. Well in fact it is one of my onboard info-computers. May hap you shake your head incredulously. Doesn’t really fit into the prerequisites of an alien space craft’s consul does it. Well I’m afraid it is. We are not in the habit of fitting computers with flashing gismos, in fact electricity is not…ah, perhaps I’d best not go too far into that, for reasons I won’t even attempt to explain.

Most of our technologies are designed around what you people use to call an abacus. I believe it has become unfashionable on Earth. Pity really. If only you’d stuck to it chances are you would have advanced far further than would give yourselves credit for.

The following is a snapshot of the consul in action.

images you want is it?

I've been away for awhile, took some holiday snaps you maybe interested in.
(mynamlez - zarptangol photographer)






Check out pandimentional door image below (related article has also been ammended.

pandimentional doorways

Alien Recognition

Do you recognize this species of alien? No? Well here in lies the problem and premise to this next blog entry. By the by its known colloquially around the galaxy as a Krathqualpoluluvrympt. It has the same annoying characteristics as those accursed things you Earthlings call a mosquito.


One of the key issues my pioneering ancestors faced when they first started seeking out strange new worlds in galaxies far-far away (seems we shared the same expressions, though of course with different accents etc) was what exactly to look for. I mean it’s all very well to search your own planet for similar species as your own but when it actually comes to knowing how to identify something you have never seen before as an indigenous inhabitant of some unknown planet.

As I pointed out in my last posting you cannot always rely on assumptions. It may surprise you to know that there have been planets extensively explored throughout the millennium in full view of vast populations that have shown no signs of interest at our presence what so all. They simply don’t care.

We have had to conclude that the curiosity that preoccupies most my planet’s time (and I have found also seems predominant with Earthlings) is not universal. There is however another theory some of my contemporises share and that is they are no aware of our presence.

“Perhaps,” they offer in their highly contentious thesis, “our form of existence is so far removed from their own that they have come to think of us inanimate objects, circling the skies, with the same irrelevance as dust.”

Well that’s the gist of their argument, though it’s a little more complicated and drawn out in several very dull and boring text books. Some see the printed volumes as a source of lively debate, others surmise by pointing out how well it all burns in the fireplace, keeping them warm on the chilly winters nights.

You may wander what all this jibber-jabber has to do with the price of fish. Well, herein lies the excuse offered by the Angi Spugis for their inadvertent intergalactic rudeness. They simply didn’t recognize you Earthlings, thinking you to be some strange vegetation blowing round in the wind. Concluding that the Earth was unpopulated they felt there was little point in continuing their mission and returned home. Had they stayed round a little longer they would had sussed out how you were not a forest and given your hospital greetings the respect it deserved.

Unfortunately they were on a fairly tight schedule and patience was not one of their superior’s virtues.