I have been given a new mission to undertake at the end of July. Can't say much about it now except it is going to take me to hiterto unexplored regions of this country then across the waters to an island full of skippies.
Arrangments have been finalised but there is still a little paperwork to complete before the mission is peachy-keen.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
An account from a concerned Earthling
EDITORS NOTE: This blog entry was cherry picked by abctales.com on 3rd September 2010
A cherry-pick, represented by a lovely bunch of cherries, is given by the editors of ABCtales to recognise pieces of writing that they really think that other people should read. This is not a scientific process, but does genuinely represent both an encouragement to writers and also a guide to the most interesting or noteworthy writing on ABCtales.
read ABCtales version
The following, according to my onboard computer, is an extract (introduction) from a journal some cleaner found on board an abandoned spaceship.
I know this sounds crazy, but aliens have abducted Loretta and replaced her with a duplicate. She’s similar in appearance but I have noticed certain discrepancies over the past few weeks that have led me to suspect that something’s amiss.
It all started shortly after that retirement party for Brandon. It went on a bit longer than planned and I ended up getting home at some ungodly hour of the morning. I staggered into my downtown apartment, slumped down on the lazy-boy recliner and turned on the television.
I remember being woken sometime later by a series of strange noises. My sleep-glued eyes struggled to focus on the television screen but all I could see was static, sort of like that Poltergeist movie.
My attention was suddenly drawn to what I can only best describe a number of small creatures busying about the living room. They had tied Loretta to the couch and were dancing around her. She seemed blissful unaware of their presence.
Concerned for Loretta’s safety I tried to get up but found that I had become paralyzed. My attempts to verbally warn her were also in vane. They continued chanting and dancing for sometime then joined hands and formed a circle around the couch. A blinding light filled the livingroom then slowly dimmed then vanished. Loretta and the creatures were gone!
Released from my paralyses, though still hindered by intoxication, I staggered around the apartment in a bewildered panic vainly searching for my beloved friend then just as I was preparing myself for the reality of never seeing her again, the blinding light refilled the apartment.
The light dimmed as it had before Loretta was back lying unrestrained on the couch. She stirred and stared at me in a most peculiar manner, cringing fearfully as I approached and extended my hand to pat her. From that moment on I have had reason to believe that she is not the same Loretta.
Often in the evenings I catch her by the window contemplating the Milky Way and she seems intent on sitting close to the Television screen whenever a science fiction program or space documentary is on.
Last Tuesday I dropped her off at the Veterinarians for them to check her over for any alien chip implants. They gave me a curious look and but agreed to my request.
When I picked her up the following morning they told me that they had failed to find any such devices. Nor had they noticed any obvious changes in her personality but I am not convinced. Me-thinks a governmental “men in black” agency is forcing them to hush it up from Joe Public.
I suppose I should not be too critical of the vets for not noticing the subtle changes. They don’t see her every day like I do, but believe me the changes are many. She has forsaken her love of bacon for Mars Bars and has traded her favorite blanket for a pile of satin sheets. She stirs whenever I close the venetian blinds and last week she spent hours on end studying the framed diagram of the solar system I have hanging in the Living room.
With no definite way of knowing just how long the aliens are planning to keep Loretta I can only try my best to make the duplicate feel welcome in my apartment. She has become a fascinating distraction from my mundane existence and I have found our evening strolls somewhat unpredictable.
Loretta has lost her zest for chasing cats but his developed intolerance toward people in uniform. Kelly, a local courier, has already lodged a formal complaint about being terrorized whenever she delivers parcels to me and I am worried that someone will end up getting bitten. That would be disastrous for everyone concerned, who knows what sort of galactic germs she carries.
Some days pass without incident and I find myself forgetting that the affectionate creature in my apartment is only a replica. It has a healthy appetite, with a gluttonous stomach that has no memory. She always obliges when it comes to the disposal of unwanted leftovers.
A few days ago I took Loretta for a drive to Castlepoint to see Ruby, an old acquaintance whom has had her fair share of alien encounters. I told her about the abduction and Loretta’s changes and also asked if she knew of anyway that I could possibly communicate with the aliens.
I promised to safeguard her secret communication devices but syffice to say I can contact was eventually made with the aliens. They told me that Loretta was in no danger and will be returned in due time. When asked why they had taken her they became hostile and stated: "Our actions are not answerable to puny Earthlings Q.E.D."
So there you have it. I’m back to square one wondering when or if I will ever be reunited with my beloved Loretta. The optimistic part of my mind believes Ruby did contact the aliens while the pessimistic side tends to think she was merely humoring my paranoia.
A cherry-pick, represented by a lovely bunch of cherries, is given by the editors of ABCtales to recognise pieces of writing that they really think that other people should read. This is not a scientific process, but does genuinely represent both an encouragement to writers and also a guide to the most interesting or noteworthy writing on ABCtales.
read ABCtales version
The following, according to my onboard computer, is an extract (introduction) from a journal some cleaner found on board an abandoned spaceship.
I know this sounds crazy, but aliens have abducted Loretta and replaced her with a duplicate. She’s similar in appearance but I have noticed certain discrepancies over the past few weeks that have led me to suspect that something’s amiss.
It all started shortly after that retirement party for Brandon. It went on a bit longer than planned and I ended up getting home at some ungodly hour of the morning. I staggered into my downtown apartment, slumped down on the lazy-boy recliner and turned on the television.
I remember being woken sometime later by a series of strange noises. My sleep-glued eyes struggled to focus on the television screen but all I could see was static, sort of like that Poltergeist movie.
My attention was suddenly drawn to what I can only best describe a number of small creatures busying about the living room. They had tied Loretta to the couch and were dancing around her. She seemed blissful unaware of their presence.
Concerned for Loretta’s safety I tried to get up but found that I had become paralyzed. My attempts to verbally warn her were also in vane. They continued chanting and dancing for sometime then joined hands and formed a circle around the couch. A blinding light filled the livingroom then slowly dimmed then vanished. Loretta and the creatures were gone!
Released from my paralyses, though still hindered by intoxication, I staggered around the apartment in a bewildered panic vainly searching for my beloved friend then just as I was preparing myself for the reality of never seeing her again, the blinding light refilled the apartment.
The light dimmed as it had before Loretta was back lying unrestrained on the couch. She stirred and stared at me in a most peculiar manner, cringing fearfully as I approached and extended my hand to pat her. From that moment on I have had reason to believe that she is not the same Loretta.
Often in the evenings I catch her by the window contemplating the Milky Way and she seems intent on sitting close to the Television screen whenever a science fiction program or space documentary is on.
Last Tuesday I dropped her off at the Veterinarians for them to check her over for any alien chip implants. They gave me a curious look and but agreed to my request.
When I picked her up the following morning they told me that they had failed to find any such devices. Nor had they noticed any obvious changes in her personality but I am not convinced. Me-thinks a governmental “men in black” agency is forcing them to hush it up from Joe Public.
I suppose I should not be too critical of the vets for not noticing the subtle changes. They don’t see her every day like I do, but believe me the changes are many. She has forsaken her love of bacon for Mars Bars and has traded her favorite blanket for a pile of satin sheets. She stirs whenever I close the venetian blinds and last week she spent hours on end studying the framed diagram of the solar system I have hanging in the Living room.
With no definite way of knowing just how long the aliens are planning to keep Loretta I can only try my best to make the duplicate feel welcome in my apartment. She has become a fascinating distraction from my mundane existence and I have found our evening strolls somewhat unpredictable.
Loretta has lost her zest for chasing cats but his developed intolerance toward people in uniform. Kelly, a local courier, has already lodged a formal complaint about being terrorized whenever she delivers parcels to me and I am worried that someone will end up getting bitten. That would be disastrous for everyone concerned, who knows what sort of galactic germs she carries.
Some days pass without incident and I find myself forgetting that the affectionate creature in my apartment is only a replica. It has a healthy appetite, with a gluttonous stomach that has no memory. She always obliges when it comes to the disposal of unwanted leftovers.
A few days ago I took Loretta for a drive to Castlepoint to see Ruby, an old acquaintance whom has had her fair share of alien encounters. I told her about the abduction and Loretta’s changes and also asked if she knew of anyway that I could possibly communicate with the aliens.
I promised to safeguard her secret communication devices but syffice to say I can contact was eventually made with the aliens. They told me that Loretta was in no danger and will be returned in due time. When asked why they had taken her they became hostile and stated: "Our actions are not answerable to puny Earthlings Q.E.D."
So there you have it. I’m back to square one wondering when or if I will ever be reunited with my beloved Loretta. The optimistic part of my mind believes Ruby did contact the aliens while the pessimistic side tends to think she was merely humoring my paranoia.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
cellphone ban # 2
So why is it that we feel the need to answer our cellphones when they ring at an inconvenient time? So much of technology involves us becoming slaves to our gadgets and instead of making our life less complicated.
Everyday we must check our emails and our messages and play doctor to our computer overlords, lest they throw a freezing up tantrum. Who dares to opt for videos over Blueray DVDs? Listen to records instead of CDs? Watch a black and white television.
One of the big mistakes that human technology has come up with, as far as I can see, is abstaining from knobs abd dials. To change chanel on a car sterio is far too complex, when a simple dial would easily suffice. You guys speak of techno-phobias but whatever happened to taking things one step at a time?
Rushing technology does not allow the general public to get to grips with one thing before they are urged to part with more money on an upgraded version of what they are not really sure that they need.
Forget the hassle of going to a bank use a compture instead and let some hack clean out your accounts. All forms must be completed without question. Those who dare to keep back any info are not welcome. How else will everyone build a complete dossier on everyone else. Is it any wonder that our phones are plagued with telemarketers, endless surveys and a raft of emotional blackmailers.
Jimmy Hoffer, an aqctive trade unionist in the Teamsters Union (around the 1960s era), use to say: "Give the man whatever he asks for". If he was alive these days perhaps he would say "give the computer whatever it asks for." Who needs privacy. Give them all your most personal details -date of birth, your mother's madien name, where you live, your phone number, when the last time you had a shit...just enter it into the boxes and except it.
Scammers and hackers get rich simply because no one wants to be accused of being techno-phobic.
Everyday we must check our emails and our messages and play doctor to our computer overlords, lest they throw a freezing up tantrum. Who dares to opt for videos over Blueray DVDs? Listen to records instead of CDs? Watch a black and white television.
One of the big mistakes that human technology has come up with, as far as I can see, is abstaining from knobs abd dials. To change chanel on a car sterio is far too complex, when a simple dial would easily suffice. You guys speak of techno-phobias but whatever happened to taking things one step at a time?
Rushing technology does not allow the general public to get to grips with one thing before they are urged to part with more money on an upgraded version of what they are not really sure that they need.
Forget the hassle of going to a bank use a compture instead and let some hack clean out your accounts. All forms must be completed without question. Those who dare to keep back any info are not welcome. How else will everyone build a complete dossier on everyone else. Is it any wonder that our phones are plagued with telemarketers, endless surveys and a raft of emotional blackmailers.
Jimmy Hoffer, an aqctive trade unionist in the Teamsters Union (around the 1960s era), use to say: "Give the man whatever he asks for". If he was alive these days perhaps he would say "give the computer whatever it asks for." Who needs privacy. Give them all your most personal details -date of birth, your mother's madien name, where you live, your phone number, when the last time you had a shit...just enter it into the boxes and except it.
Scammers and hackers get rich simply because no one wants to be accused of being techno-phobic.
cellphone ban
A new Law has come into New Zealand banning the use of cellphones whilst driving, the penalty is quite high: involving a monetary and demerit points.
Hands free kits are allowed but there seems little in the way of requirement for employers to install them in their fleets. Some people from other countries have tried getting round this by placing the cellphone on the passenger seat and using the speaker-phone option, or attaching it to various parts of their body where they hope it will not be detected. New Zealanders have been warned that the local law and order enforcers will not put up with such shenanigans.
Distraction free driving has been a hot topic throughout a number of dimensions for quite some time and each intelligent life form has their own unique ways of dealing with it.
The most fascinating case I have been studying of recent times is that of the Oomptychars, a life force that communicates via telephony. After much study they linked telepathic communication whist driving to a number of fatal accidents, and thus laws were passed prohibiting telephony whist driving.
By means of highly advanced technology they were able to scan the airways for telepathic activity and trace it back to its origin with the help of a sophisticated GPS mechanism. If the originator of this activity should happen to be in a moving vehicle, then the telepathic part of his/her/its (whatever) would be blocked by another mechanism.
This blockage causes extreme migraines if the offender tries to any further telepathic communication, until such time as the vehicle ceases movement. An extreme measure but from what I understand the Oomptychars are a fairly extreme race of beings.
Hands free kits are allowed but there seems little in the way of requirement for employers to install them in their fleets. Some people from other countries have tried getting round this by placing the cellphone on the passenger seat and using the speaker-phone option, or attaching it to various parts of their body where they hope it will not be detected. New Zealanders have been warned that the local law and order enforcers will not put up with such shenanigans.
Distraction free driving has been a hot topic throughout a number of dimensions for quite some time and each intelligent life form has their own unique ways of dealing with it.
The most fascinating case I have been studying of recent times is that of the Oomptychars, a life force that communicates via telephony. After much study they linked telepathic communication whist driving to a number of fatal accidents, and thus laws were passed prohibiting telephony whist driving.
By means of highly advanced technology they were able to scan the airways for telepathic activity and trace it back to its origin with the help of a sophisticated GPS mechanism. If the originator of this activity should happen to be in a moving vehicle, then the telepathic part of his/her/its (whatever) would be blocked by another mechanism.
This blockage causes extreme migraines if the offender tries to any further telepathic communication, until such time as the vehicle ceases movement. An extreme measure but from what I understand the Oomptychars are a fairly extreme race of beings.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
What if during the Melbourne Cup ...?
Yesterday afternoon, for the want of something better to do I tuned in on my on board computer to watch a live feed of The Melbourne Cup. I believe a horse named Shocking won the race but for some reason the audience who were watching this event cheered the jockey, not the horse that had run its heart out. I am at a loss of the skills involved in sitting on a horse faster than any other rider, but there you have it. Far be it for me to criticize another planet’s passion.
Whilst watching this event I noticed how overly enthusiastic the crowd seemed to get as the horses galloped down toward the finishing line (though I would probably me also get a bit excited if I had wagered money on the out come). It was then that a certain idea struck me. What would happen if during those last hundred or so meters all the horses stopped and refused to budge to cross the finishing line?
Would some horse racing official go so far as threaten to shoot the nefarious nags if they did not comply? Imagine the wrath of punters who had waged literally millions of dollars. An almost uncontrollable riot would more than likely erupt.
Should the matter reach some sort of resolve, what then? Assuming a rerunning of the Melbourne Cup occurred, from what point could it start? Lining all the horses up in the exact positions they were when the first race stopped? Starting again from the beginning? Either way could they be sure there not being a repeat performance?
Whatever the outcome, it sure would be an interesting spectacle. According to the research I have done so far this has never happened before. Though I maybe wrong.
If your horse racing history tells of such a case then please let me know. I would be more than anxious to read all about it.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tears Of A Petuna
Dearest Diary, today I picked a little petunia.
She had cried for lack of company.
I placed her in a pumpkin patch,
But her constant chatter,
Drove the pumkins round the bend!
Now they cry for lack of sleep.
(Sigh)
Sometimes there’s just no pleasing Mother Nature!
She had cried for lack of company.
I placed her in a pumpkin patch,
But her constant chatter,
Drove the pumkins round the bend!
Now they cry for lack of sleep.
(Sigh)
Sometimes there’s just no pleasing Mother Nature!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
days of yore part one
I want to break from this jibber jabber for a short time and tell you a bit more about my own dimension. Describing another dimension to someone who knows only what pertains to his/her own dimension can prove tricky at the best of times. How, for example would you describe the colour green to someone who cannot see colour?
Suffice to say the dimension from which I originated differs from your one, yet there are certain elements that transcend both dimensions. So basically we are the very much alike, except for the differences.
One of the elements we share is a passion for telling stories. Ours is a society (for want of a better word) that thrives on the fables and legends of generations past. I have already obtained a copy of "Tales Of A Thousand and One Nights" to take back to my dimension when my mission here has ended, I'm sure it will be well received once the computers have finished translating it.
I am at present scanning the on board computer for a suitable legend from the story tellers of my own dimension. I’ll get back to you soon.
Suffice to say the dimension from which I originated differs from your one, yet there are certain elements that transcend both dimensions. So basically we are the very much alike, except for the differences.
One of the elements we share is a passion for telling stories. Ours is a society (for want of a better word) that thrives on the fables and legends of generations past. I have already obtained a copy of "Tales Of A Thousand and One Nights" to take back to my dimension when my mission here has ended, I'm sure it will be well received once the computers have finished translating it.
I am at present scanning the on board computer for a suitable legend from the story tellers of my own dimension. I’ll get back to you soon.
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