cellphone ban # 2

So why is it that we feel the need to answer our cellphones when they ring at an inconvenient time? So much of technology involves us becoming slaves to our gadgets and instead of making our life less complicated.

Everyday we must check our emails and our messages and play doctor to our computer overlords, lest they throw a freezing up tantrum. Who dares to opt for videos over Blueray DVDs? Listen to records instead of CDs? Watch a black and white television.

One of the big mistakes that human technology has come up with, as far as I can see, is abstaining from knobs abd dials. To change chanel on a car sterio is far too complex, when a simple dial would easily suffice. You guys speak of techno-phobias but whatever happened to taking things one step at a time?

Rushing technology does not allow the general public to get to grips with one thing before they are urged to part with more money on an upgraded version of what they are not really sure that they need.

Forget the hassle of going to a bank use a compture instead and let some hack clean out your accounts. All forms must be completed without question. Those who dare to keep back any info are not welcome. How else will everyone build a complete dossier on everyone else. Is it any wonder that our phones are plagued with telemarketers, endless surveys and a raft of emotional blackmailers.

Jimmy Hoffer, an aqctive trade unionist in the Teamsters Union (around the 1960s era), use to say: "Give the man whatever he asks for". If he was alive these days perhaps he would say "give the computer whatever it asks for." Who needs privacy. Give them all your most personal details -date of birth, your mother's madien name, where you live, your phone number, when the last time you had a shit...just enter it into the boxes and except it.

Scammers and hackers get rich simply because no one wants to be accused of being techno-phobic.

cellphone ban

A new Law has come into New Zealand banning the use of cellphones whilst driving, the penalty is quite high: involving a monetary and demerit points.

Hands free kits are allowed but there seems little in the way of requirement for employers to install them in their fleets. Some people from other countries have tried getting round this by placing the cellphone on the passenger seat and using the speaker-phone option, or attaching it to various parts of their body where they hope it will not be detected. New Zealanders have been warned that the local law and order enforcers will not put up with such shenanigans.

Distraction free driving has been a hot topic throughout a number of dimensions for quite some time and each intelligent life form has their own unique ways of dealing with it.

The most fascinating case I have been studying of recent times is that of the Oomptychars, a life force that communicates via telephony. After much study they linked telepathic communication whist driving to a number of fatal accidents, and thus laws were passed prohibiting telephony whist driving.

By means of highly advanced technology they were able to scan the airways for telepathic activity and trace it back to its origin with the help of a sophisticated GPS mechanism. If the originator of this activity should happen to be in a moving vehicle, then the telepathic part of his/her/its (whatever) would be blocked by another mechanism.

This blockage causes extreme migraines if the offender tries to any further telepathic communication, until such time as the vehicle ceases movement. An extreme measure but from what I understand the Oomptychars are a fairly extreme race of beings.

What if during the Melbourne Cup ...?

Yesterday afternoon, for the want of something better to do I tuned in on my on board computer to watch a live feed of The Melbourne Cup. I believe a horse named Shocking won the race but for some reason the audience who were watching this event cheered the jockey, not the horse that had run its heart out. I am at a loss of the skills involved in sitting on a horse faster than any other rider, but there you have it. Far be it for me to criticize another planet’s passion.

Whilst watching this event I noticed how overly enthusiastic the crowd seemed to get as the horses galloped down toward the finishing line (though I would probably me also get a bit excited if I had wagered money on the out come). It was then that a certain idea struck me. What would happen if during those last hundred or so meters all the horses stopped and refused to budge to cross the finishing line?

Would some horse racing official go so far as threaten to shoot the nefarious nags if they did not comply? Imagine the wrath of punters who had waged literally millions of dollars. An almost uncontrollable riot would more than likely erupt.

Should the matter reach some sort of resolve, what then? Assuming a rerunning of the Melbourne Cup occurred, from what point could it start? Lining all the horses up in the exact positions they were when the first race stopped? Starting again from the beginning? Either way could they be sure there not being a repeat performance?

Whatever the outcome, it sure would be an interesting spectacle. According to the research I have done so far this has never happened before. Though I maybe wrong.
If your horse racing history tells of such a case then please let me know. I would be more than anxious to read all about it.

Tears Of A Petuna

Dearest Diary, today I picked a little petunia.
She had cried for lack of company.
I placed her in a pumpkin patch,
But her constant chatter,
Drove the pumkins round the bend!

Now they cry for lack of sleep.

(Sigh)

Sometimes there’s just no pleasing Mother Nature!

days of yore part one

I want to break from this jibber jabber for a short time and tell you a bit more about my own dimension. Describing another dimension to someone who knows only what pertains to his/her own dimension can prove tricky at the best of times. How, for example would you describe the colour green to someone who cannot see colour?

Suffice to say the dimension from which I originated differs from your one, yet there are certain elements that transcend both dimensions. So basically we are the very much alike, except for the differences.

One of the elements we share is a passion for telling stories. Ours is a society (for want of a better word) that thrives on the fables and legends of generations past. I have already obtained a copy of "Tales Of A Thousand and One Nights" to take back to my dimension when my mission here has ended, I'm sure it will be well received once the computers have finished translating it.

I am at present scanning the on board computer for a suitable legend from the story tellers of my own dimension. I’ll get back to you soon.

off the radar

"Good news!" as Professor Farnsworth (Futurama ) would say.

I cracked the code mentioned in my previous post concerning the blunder of the geese. From what I believe it was one of those misunderstandings. You'd probably know it better as the opening lyrics from a band called Iron Maiden

"Woe to you oh Earth and sea
For the Devil sends his beast with wroth
For he knows the time is short,
Let him with understanding reckon the number of the beast,
For it is a human number.
Its number is six hundred and sixty six"

After there comes all sorts of screaming and chaos.

I guess it is all a matter of taste. Something resembling an Ageni Spugi Lullaby or even wallpaper music you'd hear at one of their Migraine Headache departments.

The L.A.R.P.S. Conspiracy (Chess Part Four)

Legend has it that an extremely intelligent Chess-Grandmaster from another galaxy once crash-landed on Stfxthq and was challenged to a game by one of the mechanics whilst his spacecraft was being fixed. After several moves he fell into a deep trance and when he came too, he had formulated a cunning strategy which resulted in him checkmating his opponent.

Needless to say word of this match spread like wild fire and Stfxthqs demanded to learn of this strategy but the Grandmaster his opponent and the rest of the mechanics mysteriously vanished without trace (as did the spaceship according to the story)

Conspiracy Theorists pointed their tentacles squarely at the L.A.R.P.S. accusing them of foul play though this could never be proved. They alleged the Mechanics and the Opponent were paid of (or silenced permanently) while the passing Grandmaster had been incarcerated in a secret underground laboratory for experiments.

Chess enthusiasts were convinced of a cover-up. They argued that such a strategy would have been the death null of the “Takes back” variation.

Others were happy to accept the L.A.R.P.S. version that the mechanics, in awe of the Grandmaster, who had taken a shine to the Stfxthqs, had accompanied him back to his home planet.

Fanatical cults watched the skies in hope that one-day the mechanics would return to show them the “sacred strategy of Goes Back”.

The remainder who couldn’t careless about chess simply got on with their lives.