Names fascinate me. You’d be surprised the type of names people give to their off spring and Earthlings are no exception.
I understand Tom, Dick and Harry were at one time extremely popular but has now been superseded by Jack, James, William, Samuel & Joshua and the like.
On my home planet you cannot visit any dwelling without meeting at least someone with the name Evnbourbclox, Azulikeitapherupt, Lenasdtdew or Zzaarzarft. The last one being the name of the person whom without I would not be here right now.
Zzaarzarft, for all his eccentricities has been an invaluable aid through out my pre flight training for this mission. He is in charge of collaborating all the data I extract during my brief visit to your most beautiful planet.
He also what I believe some Earthlings refer to as a Techno Geek. A most unfair and inappropriate title to bestow on a person whose expertise and skill that is depended upon. We cannot all be wheelbarrow pushing drones with calloused palms from doing “a fair days work for a fair day’s pay!”
The definition of what exactly constitues a fair day’s pay tends to become a little obscure in the eyes of employers, just as employees will argue their onw interpretation of a fair days work. Somewhere lies a happy medium, where abouts beats the hell out of me.
I know this. It is a universal problem which seems without any solution even to.
It even has Zzaarzarft stumped. Not so high and mighty after all.
Stupid techno-Geek!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Hee Hees
If you think this to be an everyday domesticated cat enjoying a walk in the sun then you'd be wrong. It is in fact a Hee-Hee grinning evilly. Hee-Hees come from the planet Recalcitranton and are best described by what a small yellow winged cartoon character use to refer too as a “Naughty Puddy-tat”.
They travel in enormous metal trays filled quarter way with Recalcitranton’s foulest smelling soil. The tray is covered with a plastic dome made of what he Recalcitrantons call Purrs-pex which has a doorway which swings open and shut like that of an Earthly cat-door (though, again far removed from a Pandimensional doorway).
They are mischievous by nature and have been known to make surprise attacks on the Ageni Spugis and can be extremely dangerous when captured. Their appetite for flesh knows no bounds and claws are forever ready to inflict pain on their unsuspecting prey, which they lull into the sense of misguided trust. It is quite possible that Hee-Hees attracted by a misunderstaning of what the Milky Way had to offer have landed on Earth and even now pose as kittens for reasons known only by them. As a rule Hee-Hees torment their victims with high-pitched shrills but on earth they suffice with purring as to not risk exposing themselves as impostors.
My on board computer describes them as furry demonic vermin not to be trusted or underestimated. It also notes that unlike Cats who have nine lives, Hee-Hees have 81. The entry as to why this is the case has somehow been deleted. I have long suspected Hee-Hee mischief but I cannot be certain,
Sunday, June 28, 2009
More on the Ageni Spugi
“Ageni Spugis” are guinea pig-like, gluttonous creatures, obsessed with excessive noise. Not just everyday background distractions, more the sort of pandemonium raucous that would most likely turn humans deaf (louder the better). By most accounts the Krakatoa Eruption would have been likened to an early morning dawn chorus of twittering birds.
Their carefree days are spent stamping around and gnawing their own edible planet, beneath the hullabaloo of a perpetual thunderstorm. They communicate in high-pitched screams and engage in violent temper-tantrums to lull their young offspring to sleep at nighttime (whence De-jay birds begin to shake the landscapes with their deafening bebop)
Most Ageni Spugi abide by the rules but as with all societies there are the rebellious young non-conformers who call themselves the Quieters. Deep within cavernous hideouts they congregate to indulge in silent defiance. Some of the Quieters perform silent concerts, while their motley fans sit quietly.
(This entry is incomplete, check later for further updates)
Their carefree days are spent stamping around and gnawing their own edible planet, beneath the hullabaloo of a perpetual thunderstorm. They communicate in high-pitched screams and engage in violent temper-tantrums to lull their young offspring to sleep at nighttime (whence De-jay birds begin to shake the landscapes with their deafening bebop)
Most Ageni Spugi abide by the rules but as with all societies there are the rebellious young non-conformers who call themselves the Quieters. Deep within cavernous hideouts they congregate to indulge in silent defiance. Some of the Quieters perform silent concerts, while their motley fans sit quietly.
(This entry is incomplete, check later for further updates)
Saturday, June 27, 2009
EXTRATERRESTIAL RIDE REVEALS LOST PLANE
And whilst on the subject of Alien Encounters Here's an interesting article on aliens I came across on my shipboard computer whilst on my way here.
EXTRATERRESTIAL RIDE REVEALS LOST PLANE
an account by Anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------------
Anatole Kritchlen, a young farmer from Camden, told the police how high amid trees in the hill, he spotted the wreckage of the twin engine plane, which was bound for Camden airport yesterday morning but never arrived, shortly after being beamed aboard an alien spacecraft.
“I was driving on my tractor late that night,” said Mr. Kritchlen “When a large object hovered above, projected a bright ray and beamed me aboard. I found myself iniside this observation room fill with wall to wall computers with all manner of technology...even the roof was lit up with flashing lights, but the floor was made of some type of almost transparent metal with glass windows. Glass floor lookouts they call them. And it was through one of these windows I spotted the wreckage."
Once Anatole had been released from his close encounter, he contacted the authorities about the crashed plane. After much persistence the police agreed to organize a search party.
Heavy rain and awkward terrain caused the group to disband, but a helicopter soloist confirmed the sighting round midnight The pilot of the twin engine plane was shaken and badly injured but seemed in good spirits when the stretcher party arrived and was grateful to the police, rescuers and Anatole. He also extended his appreciation to the extraterrestrial engineers for the forethought to design glass floor lookouts in their spacecraft.
News of Anatole has ht the headlines of all leading British papers and during a radio interview he spoke more of his close encounter.
“The aliens were small green creatures with large ears. One of them had black spots and a horn growing from its nostrils like a rhino. They seemed more inquisitive than anything else. Just did their tests and beamed me back on my tractor, then left into outer space.
“I used to laugh at U.F.O stories, but now I know for sure we are not alone.
There are countless stars and you can’t tell me they are not inhabited in one way or another.”
Anatole, who will receive an award at a special function held in his honour, was been informed his name would appear in the book of world records next year.
EXTRATERRESTIAL RIDE REVEALS LOST PLANE
an account by Anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------------
Anatole Kritchlen, a young farmer from Camden, told the police how high amid trees in the hill, he spotted the wreckage of the twin engine plane, which was bound for Camden airport yesterday morning but never arrived, shortly after being beamed aboard an alien spacecraft.
“I was driving on my tractor late that night,” said Mr. Kritchlen “When a large object hovered above, projected a bright ray and beamed me aboard. I found myself iniside this observation room fill with wall to wall computers with all manner of technology...even the roof was lit up with flashing lights, but the floor was made of some type of almost transparent metal with glass windows. Glass floor lookouts they call them. And it was through one of these windows I spotted the wreckage."
Once Anatole had been released from his close encounter, he contacted the authorities about the crashed plane. After much persistence the police agreed to organize a search party.
Heavy rain and awkward terrain caused the group to disband, but a helicopter soloist confirmed the sighting round midnight The pilot of the twin engine plane was shaken and badly injured but seemed in good spirits when the stretcher party arrived and was grateful to the police, rescuers and Anatole. He also extended his appreciation to the extraterrestrial engineers for the forethought to design glass floor lookouts in their spacecraft.
News of Anatole has ht the headlines of all leading British papers and during a radio interview he spoke more of his close encounter.
“The aliens were small green creatures with large ears. One of them had black spots and a horn growing from its nostrils like a rhino. They seemed more inquisitive than anything else. Just did their tests and beamed me back on my tractor, then left into outer space.
“I used to laugh at U.F.O stories, but now I know for sure we are not alone.
There are countless stars and you can’t tell me they are not inhabited in one way or another.”
Anatole, who will receive an award at a special function held in his honour, was been informed his name would appear in the book of world records next year.
Guinea Pig story
For those unfamiliar with the Ageni Spugis visit, this is a copy of mynamelez's account
ET GUINEA PIGS
(AKA Guinea pigs wee challenge 52)
It had always been assumed that if an intelligent alien life force were ever to visit Earth it would naturally want to make contact with human brings.
Then came the Guinea Pigs and nipped that theory in the bud, once and for all.
They arrived one afternoon in a most unorthodox spacecraft, that is to say it wasn’t saucer shaped or even round for that matter; a completely different shape from anything that had been imagined before. There were no clichéd flashing lights or smoke screens. It just appeared seemingly out of nowhere and landed in the middle of a farm.
A large crowd congregated. Scientists brought in specialized equipment. Astronomers argued about million-to-one probabilities. Journalists vied for vantage points while the military prepared for engagement.
Awed silence befell the human race as a tiny door slid open and the corpulent furry ETs hesitantly emerged; sniffing the air with twitching noses. They stopped in their tracks, and flicked their button tails a few times before finally heading back inside again. Seconds later the door closed and the ship promptly vanished.
Snubbed by Intergalactic Guinea Pigs, this would not do!
The eve of Interstellar war was nigh.
all rights reserved
- mynamelez 2008
- zarptangol 2009
ET GUINEA PIGS
(AKA Guinea pigs wee challenge 52)
It had always been assumed that if an intelligent alien life force were ever to visit Earth it would naturally want to make contact with human brings.
Then came the Guinea Pigs and nipped that theory in the bud, once and for all.
They arrived one afternoon in a most unorthodox spacecraft, that is to say it wasn’t saucer shaped or even round for that matter; a completely different shape from anything that had been imagined before. There were no clichéd flashing lights or smoke screens. It just appeared seemingly out of nowhere and landed in the middle of a farm.
A large crowd congregated. Scientists brought in specialized equipment. Astronomers argued about million-to-one probabilities. Journalists vied for vantage points while the military prepared for engagement.
Awed silence befell the human race as a tiny door slid open and the corpulent furry ETs hesitantly emerged; sniffing the air with twitching noses. They stopped in their tracks, and flicked their button tails a few times before finally heading back inside again. Seconds later the door closed and the ship promptly vanished.
Snubbed by Intergalactic Guinea Pigs, this would not do!
The eve of Interstellar war was nigh.
all rights reserved
- mynamelez 2008
- zarptangol 2009
Enter the Ageni Spugis
There was a story I read recently by some wacko Earth Author called mynamelez accounting the initial Earth exploration by the Ageni Spugis. He called them guinea pigs- a human term for similar creatures that inhabit this strange planet.
Though the facts were more or less accurate, there was of course a lot more to the saga than meets the eyes.
As you may have guessed by now the aliens in question are referred to as Ageni Spugis. Well not really they have an entirely different name in their own dimension but the keyboard I have in front of me lacks many of the characters needed for aiding a correct pronunciation. Also I neglected to bring my Ageni Spugis to human dictionary with me. Careless as I am.
Before getting into the nitty-gritty of the Ageni Spugis misunderstanding (which I promised a close Ageni Spugis pal I would try to put straight whilst here). I though it would be a helpful aid if I gave you a quick run down of this particular life form. I have drafted a quick guide to the Ageni Spugis to be posted in the near future.
Watch this space.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Alien Perception
This is the sort of image my friends conjured up when I told them I was going to study Humans. They have never been to Earth and their imaginations have a way of being a little active at time. Similar paintings hang in the gallery halls of our astrological-intelligence agencies ( or A.I.As as we call them). From what I have gathered from my short time here, some humans are not too far removed from such whimsical ideologies when considering what our species may look like.
Not to worry I have updated our files with more realistic details and have added a few vague images for future references.
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