cellphone ban # 2

So why is it that we feel the need to answer our cellphones when they ring at an inconvenient time? So much of technology involves us becoming slaves to our gadgets and instead of making our life less complicated.

Everyday we must check our emails and our messages and play doctor to our computer overlords, lest they throw a freezing up tantrum. Who dares to opt for videos over Blueray DVDs? Listen to records instead of CDs? Watch a black and white television.

One of the big mistakes that human technology has come up with, as far as I can see, is abstaining from knobs abd dials. To change chanel on a car sterio is far too complex, when a simple dial would easily suffice. You guys speak of techno-phobias but whatever happened to taking things one step at a time?

Rushing technology does not allow the general public to get to grips with one thing before they are urged to part with more money on an upgraded version of what they are not really sure that they need.

Forget the hassle of going to a bank use a compture instead and let some hack clean out your accounts. All forms must be completed without question. Those who dare to keep back any info are not welcome. How else will everyone build a complete dossier on everyone else. Is it any wonder that our phones are plagued with telemarketers, endless surveys and a raft of emotional blackmailers.

Jimmy Hoffer, an aqctive trade unionist in the Teamsters Union (around the 1960s era), use to say: "Give the man whatever he asks for". If he was alive these days perhaps he would say "give the computer whatever it asks for." Who needs privacy. Give them all your most personal details -date of birth, your mother's madien name, where you live, your phone number, when the last time you had a shit...just enter it into the boxes and except it.

Scammers and hackers get rich simply because no one wants to be accused of being techno-phobic.

cellphone ban

A new Law has come into New Zealand banning the use of cellphones whilst driving, the penalty is quite high: involving a monetary and demerit points.

Hands free kits are allowed but there seems little in the way of requirement for employers to install them in their fleets. Some people from other countries have tried getting round this by placing the cellphone on the passenger seat and using the speaker-phone option, or attaching it to various parts of their body where they hope it will not be detected. New Zealanders have been warned that the local law and order enforcers will not put up with such shenanigans.

Distraction free driving has been a hot topic throughout a number of dimensions for quite some time and each intelligent life form has their own unique ways of dealing with it.

The most fascinating case I have been studying of recent times is that of the Oomptychars, a life force that communicates via telephony. After much study they linked telepathic communication whist driving to a number of fatal accidents, and thus laws were passed prohibiting telephony whist driving.

By means of highly advanced technology they were able to scan the airways for telepathic activity and trace it back to its origin with the help of a sophisticated GPS mechanism. If the originator of this activity should happen to be in a moving vehicle, then the telepathic part of his/her/its (whatever) would be blocked by another mechanism.

This blockage causes extreme migraines if the offender tries to any further telepathic communication, until such time as the vehicle ceases movement. An extreme measure but from what I understand the Oomptychars are a fairly extreme race of beings.

What if during the Melbourne Cup ...?

Yesterday afternoon, for the want of something better to do I tuned in on my on board computer to watch a live feed of The Melbourne Cup. I believe a horse named Shocking won the race but for some reason the audience who were watching this event cheered the jockey, not the horse that had run its heart out. I am at a loss of the skills involved in sitting on a horse faster than any other rider, but there you have it. Far be it for me to criticize another planet’s passion.

Whilst watching this event I noticed how overly enthusiastic the crowd seemed to get as the horses galloped down toward the finishing line (though I would probably me also get a bit excited if I had wagered money on the out come). It was then that a certain idea struck me. What would happen if during those last hundred or so meters all the horses stopped and refused to budge to cross the finishing line?

Would some horse racing official go so far as threaten to shoot the nefarious nags if they did not comply? Imagine the wrath of punters who had waged literally millions of dollars. An almost uncontrollable riot would more than likely erupt.

Should the matter reach some sort of resolve, what then? Assuming a rerunning of the Melbourne Cup occurred, from what point could it start? Lining all the horses up in the exact positions they were when the first race stopped? Starting again from the beginning? Either way could they be sure there not being a repeat performance?

Whatever the outcome, it sure would be an interesting spectacle. According to the research I have done so far this has never happened before. Though I maybe wrong.
If your horse racing history tells of such a case then please let me know. I would be more than anxious to read all about it.

Tears Of A Petuna

Dearest Diary, today I picked a little petunia.
She had cried for lack of company.
I placed her in a pumpkin patch,
But her constant chatter,
Drove the pumkins round the bend!

Now they cry for lack of sleep.

(Sigh)

Sometimes there’s just no pleasing Mother Nature!

days of yore part one

I want to break from this jibber jabber for a short time and tell you a bit more about my own dimension. Describing another dimension to someone who knows only what pertains to his/her own dimension can prove tricky at the best of times. How, for example would you describe the colour green to someone who cannot see colour?

Suffice to say the dimension from which I originated differs from your one, yet there are certain elements that transcend both dimensions. So basically we are the very much alike, except for the differences.

One of the elements we share is a passion for telling stories. Ours is a society (for want of a better word) that thrives on the fables and legends of generations past. I have already obtained a copy of "Tales Of A Thousand and One Nights" to take back to my dimension when my mission here has ended, I'm sure it will be well received once the computers have finished translating it.

I am at present scanning the on board computer for a suitable legend from the story tellers of my own dimension. I’ll get back to you soon.

off the radar

"Good news!" as Professor Farnsworth (Futurama ) would say.

I cracked the code mentioned in my previous post concerning the blunder of the geese. From what I believe it was one of those misunderstandings. You'd probably know it better as the opening lyrics from a band called Iron Maiden

"Woe to you oh Earth and sea
For the Devil sends his beast with wroth
For he knows the time is short,
Let him with understanding reckon the number of the beast,
For it is a human number.
Its number is six hundred and sixty six"

After there comes all sorts of screaming and chaos.

I guess it is all a matter of taste. Something resembling an Ageni Spugi Lullaby or even wallpaper music you'd hear at one of their Migraine Headache departments.

The L.A.R.P.S. Conspiracy (Chess Part Four)

Legend has it that an extremely intelligent Chess-Grandmaster from another galaxy once crash-landed on Stfxthq and was challenged to a game by one of the mechanics whilst his spacecraft was being fixed. After several moves he fell into a deep trance and when he came too, he had formulated a cunning strategy which resulted in him checkmating his opponent.

Needless to say word of this match spread like wild fire and Stfxthqs demanded to learn of this strategy but the Grandmaster his opponent and the rest of the mechanics mysteriously vanished without trace (as did the spaceship according to the story)

Conspiracy Theorists pointed their tentacles squarely at the L.A.R.P.S. accusing them of foul play though this could never be proved. They alleged the Mechanics and the Opponent were paid of (or silenced permanently) while the passing Grandmaster had been incarcerated in a secret underground laboratory for experiments.

Chess enthusiasts were convinced of a cover-up. They argued that such a strategy would have been the death null of the “Takes back” variation.

Others were happy to accept the L.A.R.P.S. version that the mechanics, in awe of the Grandmaster, who had taken a shine to the Stfxthqs, had accompanied him back to his home planet.

Fanatical cults watched the skies in hope that one-day the mechanics would return to show them the “sacred strategy of Goes Back”.

The remainder who couldn’t careless about chess simply got on with their lives.

Advanced Goes Back (Chess Part Three)

The Stfxthqs have included what they refer to as the “Sajaybee Advanced Goes Back Variation" (SAG 2BV for short) in which the opponent can insist a “Goes Back” on his/her first move. The result of this is quite frustrating as can be seen from the following game between Aweqwqer (white) and Ffffffrqeqqfa(black).

NB: INARA = insists the Avanced rule applies

____________________________________________________

1 P-k4____________________ 1 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
2 P-K3____________________ 2 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
3 P-Q3____________________ 3 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
4 P-Q4____________________ 4 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
5 P-KB4___________________ 5 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
6 P-KR3___________________ 6 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
7 P-QB3___________________ 7 (INARA) Pawn Goes Back
8 Kkt-B3__________________ 8 (INARA) knight Goes Back
9 Qkt-B3__________________ 9 (INARA) Knight Goes Back
10 ...

At this stage Aweqwqer leapt from his seat kicked over the table, sending chess pieces flying in all directions, then leapt onto Ffffffrqeqqfa and started beating the living daylights out of him.

There are two schools of thought surrounding the logistics of why the Stfxthqs adopted the Advanced Goes back rule.

The first alleges that they are using it to demonstrate the futility of war, how no side ends up winning if they engage in mortal combat.

The second and more widely accepted is that it gives the chess players a chance to engage in violent arguments as well as keeping the L.A.R.P.S. occupied.

Galactic Gambits (Chess Part Two)

You maybe realise to know that the game of chess is not confined to solely to humans. It has become popular throughout other galaxies and in some dimensions chess has involved past a mere strategic board game.

Take the Stfxthqs variations of chess for example. They have included a “Goes-back” move that allows a player, who may find himself in an awkward spot to insist that the game goes back a certain amount of moves to help correct whatever error he/she may have made. The roll of a dice does to determine just how many moves.

This of course gets tricky if any of the “Goes-back” moves were the result of a previous “Goes-back” variation. Often this results in violent frays, eventually broken up by the L.A.R.P.S (lethal Armed Riot-Patrol Squad).

The wisest species throughout the galaxies and dimensions warn against challenging any Stfxthqian to a game of chess, unless you are prepared to engage in mortal combat.

Abacus technology (Chess Part One)

As I started out saying a few entries back, Assumption should be avoided. A well-known Earthly comedy sci-fi writer, the late Douglas Adams, illustrated this in his (warning if you click the link you’ll be reading info till the cows come home on this subject)“Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy” series (yes I’ve heard the radio plays and am a huge fan). He spoke of how one of his main characters Arthur Dent, started an intergalactic incident by uttering “I seem to be having great difficulty with my life style” (long story, check out the book for details.)



And speaking of books by very famous people If you are after something ball-bouncingly funny to watch on DVD go can’t go wrong with BLACKADDER’S “Ink and incapability” episode (The Historic Third Series)

Study the photo below for a few minutes and see what you can make of it.



I’ll bet you assumed that it was either a chess or drafts board. Well in fact it is one of my onboard info-computers. May hap you shake your head incredulously. Doesn’t really fit into the prerequisites of an alien space craft’s consul does it. Well I’m afraid it is. We are not in the habit of fitting computers with flashing gismos, in fact electricity is not…ah, perhaps I’d best not go too far into that, for reasons I won’t even attempt to explain.

Most of our technologies are designed around what you people use to call an abacus. I believe it has become unfashionable on Earth. Pity really. If only you’d stuck to it chances are you would have advanced far further than would give yourselves credit for.

The following is a snapshot of the consul in action.

images you want is it?

I've been away for awhile, took some holiday snaps you maybe interested in.
(mynamlez - zarptangol photographer)






Check out pandimentional door image below (related article has also been ammended.

pandimentional doorways

Alien Recognition

Do you recognize this species of alien? No? Well here in lies the problem and premise to this next blog entry. By the by its known colloquially around the galaxy as a Krathqualpoluluvrympt. It has the same annoying characteristics as those accursed things you Earthlings call a mosquito.


One of the key issues my pioneering ancestors faced when they first started seeking out strange new worlds in galaxies far-far away (seems we shared the same expressions, though of course with different accents etc) was what exactly to look for. I mean it’s all very well to search your own planet for similar species as your own but when it actually comes to knowing how to identify something you have never seen before as an indigenous inhabitant of some unknown planet.

As I pointed out in my last posting you cannot always rely on assumptions. It may surprise you to know that there have been planets extensively explored throughout the millennium in full view of vast populations that have shown no signs of interest at our presence what so all. They simply don’t care.

We have had to conclude that the curiosity that preoccupies most my planet’s time (and I have found also seems predominant with Earthlings) is not universal. There is however another theory some of my contemporises share and that is they are no aware of our presence.

“Perhaps,” they offer in their highly contentious thesis, “our form of existence is so far removed from their own that they have come to think of us inanimate objects, circling the skies, with the same irrelevance as dust.”

Well that’s the gist of their argument, though it’s a little more complicated and drawn out in several very dull and boring text books. Some see the printed volumes as a source of lively debate, others surmise by pointing out how well it all burns in the fireplace, keeping them warm on the chilly winters nights.

You may wander what all this jibber-jabber has to do with the price of fish. Well, herein lies the excuse offered by the Angi Spugis for their inadvertent intergalactic rudeness. They simply didn’t recognize you Earthlings, thinking you to be some strange vegetation blowing round in the wind. Concluding that the Earth was unpopulated they felt there was little point in continuing their mission and returned home. Had they stayed round a little longer they would had sussed out how you were not a forest and given your hospital greetings the respect it deserved.

Unfortunately they were on a fairly tight schedule and patience was not one of their superior’s virtues.

Just because you say it’s so…

Assumption, they say, is the mother of all stuff ups. Well actually they use another term starting with an “F” but research has shown that it could be construed as being a little offensive to some readers so I decided it best to err on the side of caution. The last thing I want is to lose my reading audience. Suffice to say assumption often ends in apologies.

Earthlings seem to feel that they have the mysteries of the universe, or at least the one I’m in now, mostly sorted out. Sadly you guys couldn’t be further from the truth if you tried.

For one thing you all sprout on about how the universe is infinite with countless trillions of planets and stars and what have you. Why? Now that’s a question that’s left begging for an answer, yet no one seems to want to ask it.

Without trying to seem all uppity and smartypants about it, you haven’t a clue, have you. I mean, sure you’ve travelled to the moon and sent robots to close-to-home planets, but none of you have ever ventured past Pluto. Having said, what actual evidence, save the mad rantings of a few crackpot astologists, would you be able to put up to prove that those stars you see twinkling in the sky at night extend into an infinite void?

I’m not having a go at you, I’m just trying to demonstrate how little you know about the universe. So, is it infinite or does it merely consist of an infinite possible dimensions? I’m not at liberty to answer that and even if I could I wouldn’t.

Even I cannot say for certain that pandimentional doors actually exist. For all I know I may still in be within my own dimension and the powers that be are messing with my mind, making me think I am elsewhere. They are quitre capable of doing that you know.

It’s all just speculation...and misplaced assumption.

What I can tell you is that the universe works on a completely independent level from you and I. Just because we say that it is, or isn’t infinite does not mean it is so…hmmm, I’m beginning to pick up all these accursed Earthly clichés. Best give this reporting a rest before I end up like the rest of you.

Zarp respectfully signing off for now.

Blurple Bobble-blith-a-binny-blins

Peter Piper may have pecked a peck of pickled peppers but at least he was never subjected to the tongue twisters of the Blurple Bobble-blith-a-binny-blins from the bogs of Blothel Blith Bel Lith.

Bobbles (as they are known for short) travel throughout the Galaxies/dimensions seeking luckless prey to capture and bring back to their home planet of Blothel Blith Bel Lith. There, ensnared in the tangled reeds of the vast quagmires, hapless prisoners are subjected to long complicated tongue-twisters for excessive periods of time.

Once the Bobbles have finished tongue twisting they return their ear-chewed guests to their own home planet without apology or any kind of explanation.

Why they do this remains somewhat of a mystery, though the most common theory suggests they merely like to flaunt their tongue-twisting skills to a captive audience.

By the by, Blurple Bobble-blith-a-binny-blin loosely translates to "The most smarty-pants beings of the Galaxy”

Vanity, it is said, spans the universe and will stand the test of time.

Quoth the raven "Now this is just silly"

Zzaarzarft

Names fascinate me. You’d be surprised the type of names people give to their off spring and Earthlings are no exception.

I understand Tom, Dick and Harry were at one time extremely popular but has now been superseded by Jack, James, William, Samuel & Joshua and the like.

On my home planet you cannot visit any dwelling without meeting at least someone with the name Evnbourbclox, Azulikeitapherupt, Lenasdtdew or Zzaarzarft. The last one being the name of the person whom without I would not be here right now.

Zzaarzarft, for all his eccentricities has been an invaluable aid through out my pre flight training for this mission. He is in charge of collaborating all the data I extract during my brief visit to your most beautiful planet.

He also what I believe some Earthlings refer to as a Techno Geek. A most unfair and inappropriate title to bestow on a person whose expertise and skill that is depended upon. We cannot all be wheelbarrow pushing drones with calloused palms from doing “a fair days work for a fair day’s pay!”

The definition of what exactly constitues a fair day’s pay tends to become a little obscure in the eyes of employers, just as employees will argue their onw interpretation of a fair days work. Somewhere lies a happy medium, where abouts beats the hell out of me.

I know this. It is a universal problem which seems without any solution even to.
It even has Zzaarzarft stumped. Not so high and mighty after all.

Stupid techno-Geek!

Hee Hees

If you think this to be an everyday domesticated cat enjoying a walk in the sun then you'd be wrong. It is in fact a Hee-Hee grinning evilly. Hee-Hees come from the planet Recalcitranton and are best described by what a small yellow winged cartoon character use to refer too as a “Naughty Puddy-tat”.

They travel in enormous metal trays filled quarter way with Recalcitranton’s foulest smelling soil. The tray is covered with a plastic dome made of what he Recalcitrantons call Purrs-pex which has a doorway which swings open and shut like that of an Earthly cat-door (though, again far removed from a Pandimensional doorway).

They are mischievous by nature and have been known to make surprise attacks on the Ageni Spugis and can be extremely dangerous when captured. Their appetite for flesh knows no bounds and claws are forever ready to inflict pain on their unsuspecting prey, which they lull into the sense of misguided trust. It is quite possible that Hee-Hees attracted by a misunderstaning of what the Milky Way had to offer have landed on Earth and even now pose as kittens for reasons known only by them. As a rule Hee-Hees torment their victims with high-pitched shrills but on earth they suffice with purring as to not risk exposing themselves as impostors.

My on board computer describes them as furry demonic vermin not to be trusted or underestimated. It also notes that unlike Cats who have nine lives, Hee-Hees have 81. The entry as to why this is the case has somehow been deleted. I have long suspected Hee-Hee mischief but I cannot be certain,

More on the Ageni Spugi

“Ageni Spugis” are guinea pig-like, gluttonous creatures, obsessed with excessive noise. Not just everyday background distractions, more the sort of pandemonium raucous that would most likely turn humans deaf (louder the better). By most accounts the Krakatoa Eruption would have been likened to an early morning dawn chorus of twittering birds.

Their carefree days are spent stamping around and gnawing their own edible planet, beneath the hullabaloo of a perpetual thunderstorm. They communicate in high-pitched screams and engage in violent temper-tantrums to lull their young offspring to sleep at nighttime (whence De-jay birds begin to shake the landscapes with their deafening bebop)


Most Ageni Spugi abide by the rules but as with all societies there are the rebellious young non-conformers who call themselves the Quieters. Deep within cavernous hideouts they congregate to indulge in silent defiance. Some of the Quieters perform silent concerts, while their motley fans sit quietly.

(This entry is incomplete, check later for further updates)

EXTRATERRESTIAL RIDE REVEALS LOST PLANE

And whilst on the subject of Alien Encounters Here's an interesting article on aliens I came across on my shipboard computer whilst on my way here.

EXTRATERRESTIAL RIDE REVEALS LOST PLANE
an account by Anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------------

Anatole Kritchlen, a young farmer from Camden, told the police how high amid trees in the hill, he spotted the wreckage of the twin engine plane, which was bound for Camden airport yesterday morning but never arrived, shortly after being beamed aboard an alien spacecraft.

“I was driving on my tractor late that night,” said Mr. Kritchlen “When a large object hovered above, projected a bright ray and beamed me aboard. I found myself iniside this observation room fill with wall to wall computers with all manner of technology...even the roof was lit up with flashing lights, but the floor was made of some type of almost transparent metal with glass windows. Glass floor lookouts they call them. And it was through one of these windows I spotted the wreckage."

Once Anatole had been released from his close encounter, he contacted the authorities about the crashed plane. After much persistence the police agreed to organize a search party.

Heavy rain and awkward terrain caused the group to disband, but a helicopter soloist confirmed the sighting round midnight The pilot of the twin engine plane was shaken and badly injured but seemed in good spirits when the stretcher party arrived and was grateful to the police, rescuers and Anatole. He also extended his appreciation to the extraterrestrial engineers for the forethought to design glass floor lookouts in their spacecraft.

News of Anatole has ht the headlines of all leading British papers and during a radio interview he spoke more of his close encounter.

“The aliens were small green creatures with large ears. One of them had black spots and a horn growing from its nostrils like a rhino. They seemed more inquisitive than anything else. Just did their tests and beamed me back on my tractor, then left into outer space.

“I used to laugh at U.F.O stories, but now I know for sure we are not alone.
There are countless stars and you can’t tell me they are not inhabited in one way or another.”

Anatole, who will receive an award at a special function held in his honour, was been informed his name would appear in the book of world records next year.

Guinea Pig story

For those unfamiliar with the Ageni Spugis visit, this is a copy of mynamelez's account


ET GUINEA PIGS
(AKA Guinea pigs wee challenge 52)

It had always been assumed that if an intelligent alien life force were ever to visit Earth it would naturally want to make contact with human brings.

Then came the Guinea Pigs and nipped that theory in the bud, once and for all.

They arrived one afternoon in a most unorthodox spacecraft, that is to say it wasn’t saucer shaped or even round for that matter; a completely different shape from anything that had been imagined before. There were no clichéd flashing lights or smoke screens. It just appeared seemingly out of nowhere and landed in the middle of a farm.

A large crowd congregated. Scientists brought in specialized equipment. Astronomers argued about million-to-one probabilities. Journalists vied for vantage points while the military prepared for engagement.

Awed silence befell the human race as a tiny door slid open and the corpulent furry ETs hesitantly emerged; sniffing the air with twitching noses. They stopped in their tracks, and flicked their button tails a few times before finally heading back inside again. Seconds later the door closed and the ship promptly vanished.

Snubbed by Intergalactic Guinea Pigs, this would not do!

The eve of Interstellar war was nigh.

all rights reserved
- mynamelez 2008
- zarptangol 2009

Enter the Ageni Spugis

There was a story I read recently by some wacko Earth Author called mynamelez accounting the initial Earth exploration by the Ageni Spugis. He called them guinea pigs- a human term for similar creatures that inhabit this strange planet.

Though the facts were more or less accurate, there was of course a lot more to the saga than meets the eyes.

As you may have guessed by now the aliens in question are referred to as Ageni Spugis. Well not really they have an entirely different name in their own dimension but the keyboard I have in front of me lacks many of the characters needed for aiding a correct pronunciation. Also I neglected to bring my Ageni Spugis to human dictionary with me. Careless as I am.

Before getting into the nitty-gritty of the Ageni Spugis misunderstanding (which I promised a close Ageni Spugis pal I would try to put straight whilst here). I though it would be a helpful aid if I gave you a quick run down of this particular life form. I have drafted a quick guide to the Ageni Spugis to be posted in the near future.

Watch this space.

Alien Perception

This is the sort of image my friends conjured up when I told them I was going to study Humans. They have never been to Earth and their imaginations have a way of being a little active at time. Similar paintings hang in the gallery halls of our astrological-intelligence agencies ( or A.I.As as we call them). From what I have gathered from my short time here, some humans are not too far removed from such whimsical ideologies when considering what our species may look like.

Not to worry I have updated our files with more realistic details and have added a few vague images for future references.

Britian has talent with Susan Boyle

Just a quick break before I go on more about the M.P.D's.

For any of you who haven't seen Susan Boyle singing on Britian's got talent I thought you might to have a wee look. You humans say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder yet you still judge people by their outward appearance. I guess this was one of those times when people got a short sharp shock. All I can say is good job and way to go Susan.

Where I come from, such things as age and so called beauty have never been a barrier when it comes to talent.

Susan Boyle

Multidimensional Portal Doorways

Dimensional Portal Doorways (M.D.P.’s) are essential to my mission. Without them I could never have logically reached such a destination as Earth.

As you are no doubt unfamiliar with such travel apparatus I am going to do my best to describe them to you.

M.D.P.’s are doorway portals that exist on the peripheries of each dimension, safeguarding the inhabitants from awareness of the co-existence of other dimensional beings.

They differ from the type of doors you may be use to inasmuch as they are not rectangular in shape or have anything resembling a doorbell. Nor, for that fact do they have knobs.

I took a solemn oath not to revel how they work, as your dimension is somewhat wet behind the ears as far as such understanding of Advanced or even Basic Portaloligical Physics. Research into your culture shows you Earthlings have a standard answer for such questions "I’ll tell you when you get older."

Ah yes, that reminds me of a sitcom I once had to study in which a kid posed a tricky question and was given the ol’ "tell you when you get older" response. He then replied
"By the time I am old enough to know all the things I was too young to know, I’ll be too old to do anything about them." Or words to that effect.
　
　

text langage poetry

Text language sure is fun to suss out.

Shortly after writing "No Broom" I read the lord of the rings and was inspired to write another poem. However after so many attempts at perfecting "No Broom" I didn't have any paper left so best I could do was to use the cellhone I was given (See I told you I didn't need any inane attempt to help build a phone)

Sent the message off the the publishers but still awaiting a reply. See what you think.

Zarp Tangol's Txt Poem

D elfs r n d w%ds
W their capes n h%ds
d bait n bads n g%ds
n ll d shan'ts n sh%ds

D elfs av now lft de w%ds
hom 2 hng der h%ds
dey now no frm bads n g%ds
n of ll d shan’ts n sh%ds :)

Fear Not the Men in black

It has been bought to my attention that there is secret Governmental Agency called the Men in Black. They apparently safeguard the public from anything that may suggest that humans have made contact with the ETs. Armed with forget-all-about-it zap guns they Swiss Cheese the brain of anyone who is willing to go public on the alien abduction front. Why bother? What possible benefits could your government have for keeping my visit a secret? Surly such an occurrence would be of interest to the general populous.

I've studied the case histories of the area 51 lunges. Rowel. Who in their right mind would like to land or even crash a spacecraft in such a mind numbingly boring desertless-hole of an area like that? And while I'm on the subject if, and that is of course a mighty big "if", a spacecraft did crash there what in the blistering blue blazers possessed the powers to take in a dead alien.
I mean come on. What where you guys thinking? To steal someone's space ship is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. And what about the creatures on board? As far as I can tell they weren't exactly given descent burials or anything. Travelling thousands of light-years just to visit this nothing planet in the middle of nowhere and how are they welcomed? Spaceship stolen bodies disecpted. Left or rot or whatever.

Anyway getting back to the MIB, well if I was you I'd take it all with a grain of salt. If they were real and had zapped people to stop them sharing their ET experiences then how would those people know the MIB ever visited by them? Perhaps even now they have intercepted this blog and tracking your computer. Chances are they'll probably drop in on you sometime with their memory altering pen flashes. Steer you away from this blog, make you forget everything that I have told you.

Maybe...maybe not.

Never mind the yahoo babelfish

Zomulinatyrezap quarthomplo zdsaw usodusq...

ah, you probably have no idea what I am talking about do you...good. At least that means I am safe to talk candidly. You shouldn't bother wasting your time with the yahoo babelfish translator it won't do you any good. You see we (or should I say "I", now that I am no longer in the plural, not here any way) speak an entirely different dialect to you. Humans in all thier melting-pot togetherness seem to lack motivation for communicating with anyone other than themselves.

I have heard of a few exceptions, one being Doctor Do Little as Possible (or words to that extent). He tried to converse to the animals, but people thought him nutty as a Fruitcake, so it goes. The other was Wilbur who use to talk to a horse called Mister Ed.

Anyway I'm rambling on a bit. My name is...well probably best I don't give away too many details at first. After all...what was that? You think my name might be Zarp Tangol? What makes you...oh the title of the blog? Well it was really intended for another purpose but, what the hey, why not by jiggery-pockery, yeah you can call me Zarp Tangol you wish, or even Zarps. Actually that's not too much of a bad name. Zarps from Arch...oops, forgot the cautionaries.

Suffice to say I'm from what some may refer to as "Out There."

My arrival on this planet was no mistake, in fact I'm on a very important mission. But don't worry, no need for stereotyping. I don't require to be take to your leader, or aided to build some kooky interstella telephone so I can "phone home" like ET. I did not travel here in a round saucer like spaceship with flashing lights, or beam anyone aboard for subtle experiments. Truth is our leaders could not afford such technology. Most of the funding went into a governmental, consolidated slush fund. No, I came here via other means which I will eventually get around to explaining in the fullness of time.

I think there is some sort of Earthly expression that goes something like "I'll tell you when you get older".

But for now I'm just plain old Zarp. "Zarp from Out There". I'm sure we're going to get along like a planet on fire.